


Team Fortress 2 one shots! (shipping)

by Isbus



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Daddy Kink, Dream Sex, Fluff, Kidnapping, M/M, OCs - Freeform, Smut, Three Little Pigs rip off, Vampire Soldier, incest is wincest, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:33:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 21,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isbus/pseuds/Isbus
Summary: So basically this is a one shot collection for the teams! Yay! This also includes a original team, made by yours truly.Edit: 1000 hits?! Aces!





	1. Dear reader

None of this happened or will happen in the Team Fortress 2 Universe (but if it did that would be amazing!) and so I need to give warnings before people yell at me that I didn’t. In each chapter title I will put in the type of shot it is, and the characters that are being shipped in it. Team Fortress 2 was created by Valve so.... NO COPYRIGHT! 

Go ahead, request away! But as you’re not requesting, I’ll be making more shots!


	2. The Three Little Teammates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout, Soldier, and Engineer find themselves running from a big bad Spy.

Once upon a blu Team, Blu Scout was messing around the Blu base. When he was skipping around he saw Medic walking around. It wasn’t usual but Medic may be going to his room.

“Oh, hey doc!” Scout was very friendly to the German doctor.

“Ah, Herr Scout!” The voice sounded a bit different then usual.

“Did ya catch a cold? Your voice sounds different.” The Medics eyes widened.

“Uhh, Yes. You noticed.” Something was different about the Medic. The way he slightly paused before talking.

Scout was a little afraid so he started walking to his room, but the Medic followed.

“Uhh, Medic I don’t need healing so...”

“Oh no, I am going to my room. Your going to your room, ja?” This isn’t the Medic Scout knew, that Medic knew where he was going. And the obvious thing, what if Scout wasn’t going to his room? Wouldn’t he be heading in that direction without Scout?

Scout moved a little faster. It was obvious. Medic kept up the pace. Scout then ran as fast as he could, knowing the Medic was a Spy. Without the weapons there was no stopping that Spy. That fake Medic rushed behind.

When Scout was safe behind a closed door, a few knocks came through.

“Little Scout, Little Scout! You better come out, come out!” 

“Spy why do you want mah back meat?!” Scout heard a sigh.

“No use in being kind.” He busted open the door with ease.

“Dude! Ever heard of privacy?” Scout quickly looked for his bat but he couldn’t find it. When Spy entered backing Scout to his bed, Scout tripped on to it but regained his balance. He stood on the bed.

“Oh Scout, it’s your deathbed!” He laughed. Spy knew where this was going, so when Scout done his best to run around his shirt got cut a bit from the knife that was meant to stab.

“Damn it Scout, you won’t make it easy.” Spy done his best to keep up with Scout. Scout bumped into Engineer on the way to Soldier.

“Howdy Scout. What’s troubling you?”

“There is a Spy!” When Engineer saw Medic he knew someone was bluffing. “It’s just a Medic.”

“Herr Scout! Come back!” When Engineer heard the voice he started running with Scout to Engineers room. They were safe from the Spy behind the shut door but of course, a few knocks came.

“Scout, Engie, let me in, or come out if you wish.”

“We ain’t comin’ out creep!”

“Yeah, could you be a less convincing Medic?” Spy sighed again knowing what he had to do again. He kicked the door down.

“Seriously this is easy.” Spy started walking towards them. Engineer searched for his wrench or gun but everything was covered in papers. Scout nodded at Engineer and they both took of to the left and right and through the broken door.

“We need to get to Soldier!” They both ran to Soldiers room. When they knocked quickly Soldier done his usual shout.

“STATE YOUR NAME AND BUSINESS!”

“Sol, it’s Engie and Scout! There is a Spy!”

“Oh hi Engie, Scout I would leave you for that Spy in a heartbeat.”

“C’mon Soldier! He’s closing in!” Scout was right, Spy was turning the corner.

“Fine!” The door opened and close after Scout and Engineer rushed in. Another knock.

“Come on guys. It’s only me.”

“We are not falling for your tricks Spy!” Soldier was already looking for his shovel. He had it in hand.

“What a Spy? Where?” 

“Stop messing around and break down the door we’re ready!” The door knob twists and has Medic standing curiously.

“Actual Medic?”

“NOT TAKING CHANCES!” Soldier smacked the Medic in the head with the shovel.

“Let’s Spy check!” After the Medic was checked, the Medic wasn’t a Spy.

“Then where is the Spy boys?” A voice was behind the enraged Soldier.

“Right here.”

“NO CHANCES TAKEN!” Gone with the Spy. R.I.P. SPY HIT IN THE HEAD 5 TIMES BY A SOLDIER.

“But, What?”

“The Spy must’ve had followed you and Engineer but the actual Medic came to see what we were up to.” The three teammates had always kept a keen eye ever since.


	3. Mon Lapin | Spy x Scout Lemon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a little Scout jokes during a win, he takes the fall.

Scouts POV 

After another win to us to rub it in a bit the team did synchronized mannirobics. Most of the red team was fighting except for the creepy ass red Spy.

A lot of times I see him on the battlefield. He never goes for anyone else and, like the stalker he is, he never stabbed my back he just followed.

I was hoping I wasn’t in front of the damn Spy when I did this but, I faced my team when I slapped my bum. I did it to mess with the other team but all I did was get a grin to appear on the creepy, creep-bag, did I mention creepy?

I look back and Spy was clapping.

“Could I have an encore bleu lapin?”

“Not a chance dude.”

“Lapin, is the rouge Spy messing with you?” The RED Spy asked.

“Nah I’m cool Spy.”

“If you say so mon lapin.” At the “mon” part he glared at the red creep. After that he took of my cap and ruffled my hair. We both laugh at the cute gesture.

It’s been like this, Blue Spy was always taking care of me, and actually caring unlike the first few days, and the red Spy always acted kinda sexual.

We look away at the disgrace of a spy, and walk with rest of the team back to the base. Heavy was holding Medic in his arms, I hold hands with Spy, and any time Demoman or Engineer tried to hold hands with Soldier, Soldier would push them both away. Sniper and Pyro walked alone.

When we made it to base everyone high fived each other.

“Alright maggots! We done an amazing job! So the rest of the evening is up to you.” We usually had a meeting if we lost so not having a meeting is like being a free slave. I just go to my room, what am I supposed to do? Get kidnapped?

When I get there I do my best to move around my mess of a room and just flop on my bed. But I feel something grab me. When I try to open my eyes or attack the bitch, I couldn’t. The person had a death grip on me and was covering my eyes like a Spy without his bacalava.

After a bit of walking I was dropped on the floor. It wasn’t ground because my bum hurt only a little. I could open my eyes and look at my surroundings but when I open my eyes, they are instantly covered with a rag. “Sorry this had happened lapin but your more fun.” 

\- - - 

Scouts POV 

I was suprised to hear Spy’s voice. I was gonna take off my rag that covered my eyes but I couldn’t because I felt someone hands holding my arms up. A few seconds after that the hands were removed but there were metal shackles holding up my arms. 

“Sp-Spy?” I stuttered. If I didn’t have the rag over the eyes and the shackles I would be a bit more confident, but knowing the position I was in, and the man who had me in that postion, I was deathly afraid. I’m wide open for his use, and, unlike Pyro, he was very sexual. 

“Oh lapin, lapin lapin lapin.... Rabbits don’t talk!” I felt his gloved hand slap me for my mistake. I always wondered what that meant. It’s saddening how I found out. I could’ve gone to google translate but no... get kidnapped by a FREAKIN’ SPY! 

I could go a hole game getting hit and not shed a tear, but that slap, it hurt. I heard a little chuckle after a tear slid down my cheek. 

“Do you want to go home? I wouldn’t. Do you know why?” I feel his breath get close to my face. His breathing was fast, like as if he ran a sprint. “Well lapin, if you must know... there are other people who could have kidnapped you. Imagine a Soldier! Or maybe...” his mouth was next to my ear. “A Medic.” 

I shivered from the name. Medics are creepy. Considering they are smart, have access to shit that are great for kidnapping, and of course, he has voices in his head so there is no telling what he would do with me. 

“Oh, lapin, now that you know how I would be better than anyone else on the team, get comfortable.” I felt the shackles slide of and the rag drop on to my lap. I see his icy blue eyes, staring at me, checking for weaknesses. 

“Hmm... J’ai compris!” He pulled me by the arms and spun me to where I landed on the bed. 

The bed felt a bit painful at first, but after a bit of maneuvering my hands, I felt silky sheets, you know those sheets you would feel in a V.I.P. room, or, you know what? That doesn’t matter. What matters is that A BACKSTABBING SPY WAS UNDRESSING ME AND HE WAS FUCKING RED! 

My face shown fear because that bitch was licking his lips like as if he was a lion, and I was just a deer. Yeah I know they wouldn’t be in the same place but ever think about that popular game? That one that was practically a rip off of us? They have a robot that can set off traps, but he freakin’ floats! (A/N I don’t have a problem with Overwatch) 

“Maybe I could cut you, no. I will just treat you to a good old fashioned sexual intercourse.” My shirt was dropped on the floor along with my hat, shoes, socks, and the moment you have been waiting for, oh wait. Why is he looking at the door?

I look over at the door to see BLU Spy standing, pissed. 

“You have your own Scout. Go touch him with your wretched fingers.” The BLU Spy walked to claim me but as soon as that happened the RED Soldier rushed in and yelled the craziest shit. 

“NO CHANCES TAKEN!” And with that, my poor hero was knocked down. “HEY IS THAT A BLU SCUM?! AND WHY IS HE ALMOST NAKED?!” 

“Don’t worry capitaine. He is just visiting. I’m torturing the lapin before he dies.” 

“BY SUCKING HIS DICK? IM PRETTY SURE SCOUTS ARE GAY! JUST DISPOSE OF THE COMMIE!”

Spy rolled his eyes before shushing the Soldier away. 

“Let’s continue.” Like as intended he pulled my pants off. He pushed me off the bed and taken my seat. I got up and started undressing him. Hey, I’m gonna make the best out of this, and I know what happens if you don’t follow his rules, and I refuse to cry again. 

“Oh I can’t wait.” I say before covering my mouth. He was suprised too. Then he ushered me to continue. So I did. He was undressed so how about this? "Oh yes... I like what I see." I winked as he sat there. I stood on the bed as best as I could, but he pulled my legs down so I was on my knees. 

"Same here..." he purred. I shivered when I felt his gloved hands touch my ass. Those cold hands slid around my butt. Then without warning I felt something that I don’t think years of preparation could be prepared for, him. 

His got his member into my bum with speed, but ease. It was nice but it scared me, like when I first had access to the internet. He was gentle but it progressed. Faster and faster until it was a pace that made me moan each thrust. 

Since he didn’t use anything during it and restrained himself from getting me off, it took a while before we both came and it hurt. But I remeber every second. 

“Oh, uh, S-Spy, oh! I uhh, I feel like I’m gonna” I was cut off by his shushing and more pain.

“Just a few seconds more lapin.” He wasn’t moaning as loud as me, but I could tell he was close by his need to go faster. We both had the same idea. Show romance to your mate. Our bodies pushed closer than usual so his lips touched mine. His lips were rough from the smoking, but mine were smooth and ready for his chapped lips.

Our mouths pulled away to allow our final moans to be released and heard. 

\- - - 

Scout’s POV 

It was interesting seeing a tuckered out Spy. He had to breathe a bit to remember what was happening. He looked down at me like it was his last. 

“Lapin, for this I, will allow you to be free.” I gasp at what he says. 

He will allow me to roam the battlefield without him? What tomfoolery is this?! 

“Wait what? Your serious?” He nods at my questions. I feel like a new man. Allowed to roam without a parent. It would be weird if he was my dad. I quickly get my clothes on but I was stopped. A gun was pointed at my head. 

“But you won’t say anything, will you lapin?” I was about to nod but I was interrupted by the sound of a gun shot. My body dropped. That boy full of energy had a battery body that is now lifeless. 

“You got blood on my sheets, you deserve it.” He got up dressed in his usual tuxedo. He dragged my body to the corner and put a bland red shirt on me. Before I respawned I saw him drag a shirtless Scout out of his closet. He put my shirt on him before executing him as well. 

When I respawned I was in the Red Scout room. Spy was sitting in a chair. 

“Come on lapin, we have work to do.” He said as he dragged me back to his room. He put me in the shackles again. I saw no sign of the actual Red Scout. 

“What did you think? I would let you rest easy?” He laughed his ass off while dropping roses around my body. It was kinda scary, seeing the Spy laugh while my hero and the red scout away at Blu base. 

Red Scouts POV 

I woke up in the Blu Scouts room rather than my own room. I saw the Blu Spy sit in a chair. 

“I’m so thankful that the maniac let you free. Now lapin, rest easy.” He tucked me in before getting on my new bed and cuddling me. It was kinda scary, seeing the Spy cuddle me while my villain and the Blu Scout away at the Red base.


	4. Building a Sentry | Soldier x Engineer (Fluff)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never has Soldier ever had a man stand up to him.

Third person

Soldier had always noticed how fighting the BLU team was hard, but it was a slice of pie. It was only hard for Engineer. Soldier would always make sure that Engineer didn’t need any help. He always responded with “I’m good Sol.”, even through the hard times. 

“Engie! Do you need any help?!” Soldier yelled when the common pair Heavy and Medic would be ready to ubercharge and go for the kill. But there he goes, with the same response even though he has only two level one sentry’s. 

“No sol, I got it under control.” When Soldier looked back at Engineer he had a face that shown otherwise. But Soldier didn’t want the Texan angry with him so he just backed up and tried firing at the dynamic duo.

Its been like this in every match ever since that day. The day Engineer proved his worth. Soldier was destroying the self esteem of everybody like usual. 

“Scout! You keep trying to go for the Intel but that’s not your job! Is it?! You! Demoman! Stop drinking and do something that’s worth it! You two definitely need to get your act together! Kissing and loving rather then storming the base with the ubercharge! And who could forget about you cowboy?!” Once he saw Engineer he paused. 

“Oh what dear leader that no matter how hard we try your just gonna make us feel worse?! What did I do wrong this time?!” Engineer huffed. He put his arms were crossed, waiting for Soldier to bring the heat.

But he didn’t he just stood, staring. At first he was gonna yell the crap out of Engineer but he couldn’t. He done a good job with the battle, and, he actually stood up to him. 

“What is it messiah? Just gonna stand there and not do your job?” Soldier shivered and got back to work. 

“Try harder truckie!” Engineer was confused with the little tip. It wasn’t like Soldier to let someone go. 

“Now Sniper, If you could actually use that scope and stop trying to get play of the game then you wouldn’t get yelled at!” 

Soldier softened after that day, but only for Engineer. Ever since that day he was always helping out as best he could. But today, he wasn’t gonna have a loss just because he doesn’t want to mess with Engineer.

He rushed to the Medic and started making out with him. Though it didn’t seem to catch the eyes of Engineer, a few seconds later a level three sentry was taking out the Medic. Soldier stepped aside so the dazed Medic could be killed. 

After the Medic got shot down the Heavy was not invincible and got shot down with ease. Soldier marched proudly to the Engineer. 

“So cowboy, did you get jealous or something to that extent?” Soldier grinned while mimicking Engineer. 

“Negatory oh so loved leader.” Engineer then stood attention. 

“At ease buffoon.” He winked.

Le time skip 

Later that night Soldier walked down to the garage waiting for Engineer to come as well. Engineer was confused why the garage lights were on. But he instantly saw Soldier sitting on the work bench. 

“What in tarnation?” Engineer questioned as he stepped towards the work bench. 

“I want to make a sentry with you!” Soldier smiled while patting the work bench to signal that he wants him to sit down. 

“Well first you need the right wrench.” Engineer looked at the wrench being held by Soldier. “And Sol, that ain’t gonna cut it.” 

“Oh, this one?” He picked up a different one. 

“Sol it’s the one to your right, no your right.” Oh goodness this will take forever. He thought. He just grabbed the correct one. 

“Oh that one. What’s next?” 

“Well let me get the blueprints and after that we can get to work.” Engineer stood up and got the blueprints. 

“Alright Engie!” Engie. That’s interesting, I just called him Sol because it was easy but, I guess it was an affectionate nickname. 

Engineer then sat back on the work bench and got materials. 

“Alright Sol, lets get started.” 

“Yes sir Engie sir!”


	5. I NEED HEALING | Medic x Heavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice battle can be fun.

Third person

Medic was having a normal day. When Scout was 124/125 on health, he would yell for him. It was normal. But what was normal for him wasn’t his classification of normal. Normal to him was a man coming home to his loving wife, getting coffee, telling his children how he was the main reason he won the war. 

That wasn’t close to the life he had. He didn’t have children, let alone a wife. He wasn’t in a war, he was just a doctor for a group of mercenaries. The closest he had to a lover was Heavy, and he was just a partner. All they did was talk, help each other, and sometimes hug when a battle was won, Medic was always crushed. (Medic once attempted to crush Heavy, it didn’t work.) His life was anything but normal. Oh look another normal thing. 

“Doktor!” Heavy shouted. 

“Ja?” Medic questioned boredly. It was gonna be sooner or later that Heavy would be calling. 

“Charge me!” He yelled. Of course. 

“Verstanden.” Thank goodness the charge was ready, it was that or face an angry Heavy. Believe me, an angry Heavy is not a good Heavy.

When Medic clicked on the charge, nothing came out. Not even the healing stream came out. 

“Verdammt!” He shouted. 

“What is wrong Doktor? Why is there no Ubercharge?” Medic shook his head when it was said. Sometimes Heavy could be annoying. 

Fight, it’s not working, fight.

Medics raged face shown a hint of psycho. He rushed to Heavy. Sometimes that happened, it was rare, but Heavy knew what needed to happen. He boosted up Medic onto his shoulders. 

Heavy ran as fast as he could while holding up Medic. When a person came in the way Heavy would shoot them off. They were superbly close thank goodness to Medic sometimes jumping off to fight as well. When the coast was clear he would jump back on.

They got to the Intel room, and there was the usual Engineer standing. 

“You Mother hubbers!” He got his gun quickly. Usually if the Engineer was in trouble a spy would be a dick or a Soldier would save him, but he was alone with an enraged pair. 

“Gute Nacht!” Medic shouted as he jumped at the defenseless Engineer. He had the bone saw in his hand and a wicked grin. It was common for him to speak German when he was pissed.

While the Medic was destroying him Heavy grabbed the Intel. 

“Come on Doktor!” He yelled then grabbed Medic. He pulled Medic by the coat and done his best to get out. With no ubercharge there was a small chance of getting out. Those chances were eliminated when seeing a Spy. 

“I believe that belongs to me gros ours.” He tried for the Intel but was quickly interrupted by the swing of Sasha. 

“Not today!” He kept on running until he was out and found their Scout. “Take to base!” Scout quickly nodded and saluted before rushing back to base, avoiding BLU bullets. 

“RED TEAM WINS!” The announcer exclaimed. All of the Red team looked at Heavy and Medic with a huge smile, and the occasional salute. 

“We make a good team, don’t we gut aussehend? Or Misha, if preferred.” He looked at Heavy with a glint in his eye. 

“You still have to pay me back for the ubercharge difficulty. I like the feeling of being ubercharged you know?” He grinned. “There is something that gives a better feeling.” 

“What- oh!” Medic was pulled by the hips to Heavy. Medic wrapped his legs around Heavy to be more close to him. Heavy and Medic stared into each others eyes while pressing their lips to each other’s.


	6. Dreaming of You | Soldier x Engineer (Lemon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet dreams can be quite... interesting

Soldiers POV 

I woke up at 6:00 AM like usual. It’s breakfast time so I start walking down to go get breakfast. A lot of us got up at the same time so it wasn’t new to see Demoman and Spy walking down to the cafeteria with me.

“Morning lad!” Demoman shouted while patting me on the back. He was in his bedtime clothes, meaning he was just in his boxers. 

Don’t stare to much. If he notices you looking then he will do that, thing. Never again. 

“Matin.” Spy boredly stated. He wasn’t wearing anything different. Just the normal tuxedo to be seen on the battlefield. It wasn’t that he didn’t change, that would be horrible for him. He just dressed before eating breakfast. 

“I have no idea what that means. But I assume you mean to say morning.” I don’t yell in the morning but when people are up, I yell like no one can hear me from miles away. 

Pyro is always the first person up because he makes the food. It smells like he burnt the bacon and eggs. I can smell a bit of pancakes and a slight hint of milk so Scouts making his sugary ass cereal. 

The first thing that happened was the door slamming open from me and Demoman’s STRONG BEEFY ARMS. Actually no, we just opened the doors because we’re not barbarians.

My prediction was correct. Pyro’s amazing cooking skills being put to good use as Scout was eating the GOD DAMN SUGARY CEREAL THAT ALWAYS PISSES ME OFF FOR SOME REASON. The thing that was different was Engineer sitting at the table, waiting for his coffee. 

I sat down with Engineer, awaiting eggs. I just sat and thought about how he was good for something. I made sure that I didn’t make eye contact.

“Hmph amph mph hmph!” (I know what you want!) 

LE TIME SKIP PRÉSENTÉ PAR: I must proceed at a high velocity.

I went to my room after the swell battle. I remember those times when Engineer was fighting with his guns rather than his robotic children. It was hot. I fell asleep thinking of that Texan. 

I was in my room and I saw him. He was wearing revealing clothing. He walked up to me. He had a grin that fit perfectly with his, overalls. They were cut to be booty shorts. No shirt, no problem. 

“Hey Sol. You like what you see, you DID pick this for me.” He wrapped his arms around my neck. “Though I look good like this you want to rip this off. Don’t ya?” I blush and grit my teeth when his arms moved down my back down to my butt. 

What kind of dream is this? Some freaks dream? 

“Oh Sol, just get undressed with me. I will let you take the lead, if you’re not a weak buffoon like Scout.” That’s enough to motivate me. I am not weak like a Scout. Because of this I start taking off my clothes immediately. He chuckles a bit. 

“That’s it Sol.” It’s interesting seeing me so light rather than taking command. This is my dream, and I will not be taken by a sexual Engineer. 

“Well maggot, you better start undressing too. If not then you won’t have any fun.” I try my best to sound confident but it’s hard seeing this new side to the usual quiet Engineer. He laughs at my attempt to be strong. 

“You know even when I don’t undress, you’re just gonna go for my ass anyway.” He winks while shaking his, Do I need to say? 

I was completely undressed ready for him to at least take off one part of his cut overalls. I usher him to get moving but he just shakes his head while chuckling. 

“Sorry Sol but you’r gonna need more force before I get- OH!” I slap him. 

“YOU BETTER GET UNDRESSED BEFORE I MAKE YOU DROP AND GIVE ME 20 MAGGOT!” 

“Ooh! That’s the Soldier I like.” He starts undressing, slowly mind you. I slap him again. If I don’t keep this up then he’s just gonna take advantage of me. 

“FASTER TRUCKIE!” He moves a bit faster. I could already see that, since he has such high cut overalls, but I saw a nice buttocks. You know? Olden people say that. Indubitably. 

“I’m ready Sol. Now take me.”

\- - -

Third Person

Engineer wrapped his arms around Soldier. He pushed Soldier’s helmet up before raising his goggles and removing his hard hat. He grinned and thought about the wonderful things he could do. Soldier was a bit nervous but it was swept away when he realized it was his dream, his fantasy. So then he immediately thought about how to make it better. He liked being dominant so he thought Engineer was shy about this situation and suddenly, he wasn’t. Engineer stayed seductive. That made Soldier a bit scared. 

Engineer kissed Soldier’s chapped lips. Engineer had soft, lustful lips that counteracted Soldier’s hard, dry lips. Engineer’s hands trailed down to Soldier’s hips, venturing to an area Sol had hoped he would find one day. Soldier couldn’t be weak now! At this point he has to take the lead, but he couldn’t. This dream Engineer was sexual. He needed the Engineer he knew. 

Soldier thought of all the times on the battlefield when Engineer was nice, brave, himself. He closed his eyes and kept repeating words that would make you yell “Ya ain’t in Kansas Dorthy!” with your, hick accent and your, shitty overalls, who could forget- 

We’re in the middle of a story y’know?

Oh. He woke up. He was startled to see Engineer cuddling him naked. Both of them were naked. Engineer sat up and rubbed his ungoggled eyes. 

“Sol why did you wake up? I was having a good dream.”


	7. Red’s Slide Show on how they’re better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SOMEONE creates a slide show to show how the red team is superior.

Quick summary: The Red team reviews their slideshow before recruitment. Or whatever. 

“Gentleman, it was one of our men’s duty to create a picture slideshow on how we are better than the horrible BLU team.” Spy said as he turned on a computer. Since the computer was asleep, it shown the beginning of the slideshow. (Before it fell asleep Spy got the slideshow up and running.) The first slide read “RED Team is better”. 

“Who done this?” Medic questioned. Spy shrugged, but he knew exactly who done it. That’s what Spy’s do, know everything so they can backstab and leave everyone to find out the hard way. 

“THAT’S PRETTY SIMPLE.” Soldier stated (Yelled). Spy clicked on to the next slide. The music started. A simple chilled beat (Soft - Washed Out). It shown a photo of the whole team bonding like a normal family. 

“Hmph! Hmph hermph!” (Aww! How sweet!) Pyro cheerily exclaimed. They waved their hands like a fangirl. “Mer meh mph a hermph.” (I wish it happened more often.) Spy took a note of this and nodded while clicking on. 

“Woah! Soldier? Engineer?” Everyone looked at those two from seeing an interesting photo involving those two. 

“WE WERE SHARING WARMTH! IT WAS A COLD DAY!” Engineer sighed at Soldiers attempt to cover up the fact that they were making love. “WHO EVEN TOOK THE PHOTO?!” They all looked at Spy but Spy just shrugged and clicked on. 

“Soldier are you with Engineer?” Demoman slurred while tears formed in his eye. “I thought you loved me!” Spy nodded at Scout and he hit Demo with his bat. 

The photo was Soldier kissing Engineer on the forehead. You couldn’t see his eyes cause they were closed. The best part was Engineer didn’t have his helmet. 

“IT WAS FOR GOOD LUCK!” Soldier blushed. 

“Sol, it’s...” Engineer tried to calm him down, but got interrupted by a flustered Soldier. 

“ENGIE THIS IS WAR BETWEEN ME, AND THE CREATOR!” Spy was a bit scared for the person but the relaxed. Click on I say. 

“WELL LOOK WHO HAD FUN!” Soldier shouted when the picture shown. A picture of Scout crawling to a Spy with his shirt unbuttoned, both of them wearing a sick grin, was to be shown. Everyone’s gaze directed towards Scout.

“Hey! He’s my dad so we were, uh, b-bonding!” Scout tried to make an excuse, and like Soldier, failed miserably. 

“I didn’t know American fathers and sons bonded like that, where I’m from we catch snakes together.” Sniper teased at Scout. Spy wasn’t appreciating what he saw, but done nothing to save his boy. CLICK! 

Rather than a tormenting picture it was a photograph of Pyro cooking up pancakes. Everyone nodded and thanked Pyro. Pyro just, I think, blushed while doing that hand thing to say “Oh stop!” Like those girls. 

Another nice photo of RED Spy after a whole game to himself. He was sitting in the middle of a circle of the whole BLU team dead. Backstabbed, mind you. 

“That was a fun game.” Scout noted while looking up to a happy Spy. 

“It certainly was, imagine being in my shoes.” Spy looked back at the cheery Scout. I bet someone is going to get hurt next. 

“OH ANOTHER LOVE INTREST?! people gonna look at me like nobody else does it.” Everyone looked at Heavy and Medic when seeing those two kissing in a picture. They didn’t say anything, they just stared at the photo, like they weren’t getting witch hunted. 

Spy admired seeing those two just blush while hoping they would stop, so to repay, he clicked on. A good ole photo of Sniper sitting with his rifle. No one would hurt him for that, right? Wrong. 

“SOMEONE TOOK A PHOTO OF WHAT HE DOES ON THE BATTLEFIELD!” Soldier was happy with what he said, but everyone glared at him. 

“Wanph smph hermph dmph hymph hmph?!” (What did he do wrong?!) Pyro furiously tried to yell. Soldier knew what he said, but didn’t care. He said what was on his mind, and there was only one opinion he was taking. 

“I think that’s the end.” Spy clicked on to the final slide. It read “I think that’s enough to say RED Team is better.” 

“PRETTY BORING END. HAVE AN EXPLOSION OR SOMETHING!” 

“Calm down Michael Bay.” Scout stated. “It’s just a slideshow.” 

“I believe we have the rights to know who done it. So herr Spy. Do we have an answer?” Medic glared at Spy. He noticed this, but he laughed at it. Scout laughed as well. 

“You know how many times I had to skip out on father son time just so he could do this? A lot of times!” Scout managed to say. “Now Spy, you have to make up for that time.” Scout stopped laughing and started getting up to get Spy. 

“I don’t think you’re ready mon lapin vilain.” Spy grinned while getting up and walking with Scout. 

“What just happened?” Heavy questioned. 

“THE REST OF THE DAY IS DEVOTED TO COUPLE TIME!” Soldier grabbed Engineer and marched out. They all fucked. The end.


	8. The Purple Team (Original Content)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the new team on the block.

A/N: In this story I have a bit of (Above) but it’s only a concept. Other than that it’s all Valve. ;D Btw as you can tell I use Scout when I don’t want to do third person and no one is being specifically shipped. I also know that this can’t happen because there would have to be a new son so, shut up comments.

Scouts POV

“ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! BEFORE WE BATTLE THERE IS ANOTHER F*CKING TEAM BEING INTRODUCED!” Soldier yelled. The fact there is another team being introduced has obviously pissed him off. It can’t just be a random color like green, but it has to be a color like yellow. It’s the only other primary color left. But how? There is only three characters in “RED” and “BLU” no other color can do that! 

Soldier had us in a line before walking to the battlefield. Usually we were able to walk on our own but we have to meet a new team and impressions matter, aparently being mercenaries doesn’t say we are horrible people. 

It was shocking seeing a color that wasn’t bland like the primary colors. It was purple. They couldn’t do an acronym like us, but they knew how to stand out. Especially the Medic, Spy, and Demoman. The medic looked more attractive then the other Medics, the Spy had a female color which was not like most Spies, and the Demoman was probably gay. He was shaking his hips around as they waited for us. 

“HELLO NEW TEAM! WE ARE THE BLU TEAM!” Our Soldier shouted like usual. Impressions matter, I said that, and Soldier was showing that he had absolute control. 

“Hello new Soldier.” RED Soldier grumbled.

“Well hello BLU Soldier! Hello RED Soldier! I’m Purple Soldier!” The Purple Soldier exclaimed. He didn’t yell like we were miles away like our Soldier. He was calm and had a sweet voice. “This is our team! We are just like you two!” 

“But not!” The Purple Engineer interjected. He had a happy face like their Soldier. “We have different personalities! As well as things we show for appreciation for!” 

“That’s true Engie! You get a kiss for that!” Normally Soldiers would slap anyone who interrupted, but this Soldier gave kisses. If I was an Engineer I would say “Wot in tarnation?” Soldier walked to the Engineer, raised his helmet so he could give a direct kiss to the forehead. Engineer giggled. 

“Here is an example! Scout, if you would do us an favour. I’m not forcing you.” 

“Alright Sol.” Most Soldiers hated that when not from Engineers. “I would like to see both Scouts m-make out.” He blushes a bit. I just now realized that the Scout has a purple heart on his cheek. We both didn’t want to, but we stepped up to the plate. I wasn’t really doing much. I liked Spy, and I was NOT going to throw it away just for a Scout to fap to. 

But RED Scout got closer to me. My lips quivered as his face draws near. Our lips were touching but I was refusing to kiss the enemy. Thank goodness the gayest looking Spy - even more gay than the time our Spy wore a sweater rather than his button up - tapped the rose on purple Scout. 

“Doux lapin... why would you ask such? If you want sexual kiss, you should’ve asked me.” The Spy lovingly touched the Scout. The Scout kept giggling and saying stop but the Spy kept moving his hands all over him - hot spots included - while giving sweet kisses of emotion. That emotion is clear because of what he is doing, the emotion is lust, romance, want, need.

“Alright Spy, that’s enough. But who am I to say?” Spy stopped when Soldier said so, but he didn’t leave without a kiss on the lips with the same emotion he had when his hands roamed free. 

“SO YOU ALL ARE OPENLY GAY? CAN I EVEN CALL YOU A SOLDIER CAUSE THATS A HIPPIE MOVE! NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU HAVE LONG HAIR AND I HAVE TO GIVE THE HAIRCUT!” Emphasis on the ‘I’. 

“Yeah, we are openly gay. The hole team loves everyone.” 

“I might love my Heavy but I am free to love a Pyro as well!” The Medic spoke up while high fiving the Heavy and Pyro next to him. 

“And no one is telling us no!” They all yelled in unison. Most Soldiers can’t get the team to do that. Based on the way they do things they probably suck at fighting. I can’t tell wether this new team - more specifically the Soldier- is better, or worse.


	9. Expiration | Spy x Scout (Lemony themes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the teams are coming, so what’s better than changing a virgin?

A/N: This one shot is to take place during “Expiration Date”. This part is obviously not in the animation. 

Spy’s POV 

I was in my smoking room, smoking. It was silent as I read my newspaper and took a few sips of my drink. I wasn’t suprised to hear my door opening. Chances are it’s Engineer and Medic coming to question me some more. Although that was off, Demoman was the last to teleport so they are testing him while everyone else done their own thing. However the voice was not the voice of Medic or Engineer, it was the voice of a RED Scout, my Scout. 

“Hey Spy. Uh, can I come in?” He sounded nervous or shy about something. He stuttered and he had a moment of uh. It was not common for a Scout to act like this but there he was, standing in my door, more shy than ever. 

“Oh Scout.” There has to be a good remark. He did tell me to go fuck myself once. “Go fuck yourself.” If he wasn’t in the door I would have laughed my ass off. He laughed a bit. Nervous but nonetheless. 

“Ha good one Spy. But can I come in? Please?” That was serverly different. He never said please. That’s to good to be true, but I’m awake so I know I'm not dreaming. 

“Come in Scout. I don’t need to drag you in, do I?” I get up anyway. I open the door fully so Scout could enter. “So Jeremy, what do you need?” His face shown shock. Only for a little. After that he gone back to the funny man face that I have grown accustom to. 

“Well I, uh wanted to know how to, f-!” I shush him. He probably was gonna say ‘fuck’. I correct him. 

“Sexual intercourse? You don’t want to die a virgin. I wouldn’t either. Well mon lapin vilain. You don’t have to. I’m here.” I do my best to sound courteous. 

“W-what are we gonna do?” he asks. 

“It’s easy. You get naked, I get naked, you allow me to lead.” I simply state. He wanted an answer that I was proud to give. He looked at me blankly. His face was red I would mistake him for a tomato. 

“Are you sure you want to do this tomate, I mean Scout.” I asked. I can’t just force him to do this. It would be weird, sadistic, and super creepy. 

“Y-Yeah. As long as it doesn’t hurt. I’ve heard it doesn’t hurt if you do it right, and if you do it right then it feels like heaven. That’s true r-right?” He kept stuttering so I rubbed his back a bit. 

“That is true but first, calm down. No need to be nervous. It’s just me.” I admit, I can be scary. -Especially since we’re about to do this.- But I can be sweet. Sometimes, actually only rare occasions. 

He inhaled and exhaled deeply. It’s saddening to know that this boy was going to do this act of sexuality. He nodded before giving me a straight forward answer. 

“Alright Spy. Let’s do this.” he said determinedly. He looked up. I could see his ocean blue eyes hit my icy eyes. After a moment of staring he looked down and started undressing. I nod in approval. After nodding I start undressing myself. 

“So Spy, What now?” He was quick, but then again, he was a Scout. I had barely started but there he was, he was standing nude ready for me. He noticed me staring and got impatient.

“If you don’t hurry up I’ll do it myself!” Scout was flustered. I don’t know if he wanted it over with or he wanted to do it immediately. I shake my hand to tell him to go ahead. He got even more flustered from the motion. I wanna see what he can do. Scout then came up to me and got me undressed in no time. 

“Um, uh... W-what now?” he looked at me while inquiring. He was looking up and down my body, my member more than the other parts of the body. Surprisingly enough he didn’t attempt to remove my bacalava. I raise my eyebrow so he squirms some More.

Like promised, I take him by the hand and dance him to my chair. I sat down as he, stood confused. I took my hands and maneuvered my fingers so it was one person sitting and the other on their knees, legs around the sitting man’s legs. A lightbulb lit up in his head. As my fingers instructed, he got on the chair and dropped to his knees like someone was about to execute him. 

“Alright, next?” 

“You kiss me. After that, we make out, and after that, we sleep.” 

“Wait that’s not- Oh!” I think he gets it. We kiss, then make out, then “sleep”. He kisses me with force. I can feel his tongue when it hits mine. When it hits, I can feel the emotion. Not hatred, but lust. Not wishing this would end, wishing it would never stop. Not an enemy, but a friend in disguise. It was flavourful.

He pulled away exasperated. His mouth formed a smile as his eyes begged for more. Speed Racer then started speaking and I was going to shush him only to realise my arms were being pressed up against the chair I sat in. 

“Spy! I didn’t know it could be fun! I can’t wait for the sleeping part!” I grin before forcing my hands out of his grip. I was reaching for the second drink on my small table. I got this drink from Medic, it was a drink that one sip could knock you out. 

“Spy you’re not serious are you? Did ya think I was just gonna allow ya to knock me out?” It was interesting how he knew. 

“Lapin you must be confused, I was just going to drink my drink.” 

“Well if it’s not that one, then drink it and prove it.” If I said no he would say that it is and I just wanted it over with so, I took a sip, and I’m gone. 

TIME SKIP VOUS EST PAR: Oh merde, qu'est-ce que j'ai fait?

I woke to see my own room and Scout laying on my bed out of breathe. I felt manacles around my arms. 

“You got knocked out so I experimented a bit. I knew you liked BDSM so I chained ya up. Just like you, pére.”


	10. The Intelligent battle for Intel | Spy x Scout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle for intel was one for history- not.

Third Person 

Scout was rushing to get the intelligence. He was getting shot at by a Soldier so he ran his ass off. He made it to the room and quickly shut the door. He dropped to the ground in front of the door after noticing only his friendly BLU Spy with the RED intelligence. 

“Oh thank goodness you’re here Spy. If you weren’t I would probably be dead. Why are ya sittin’ ‘ere with the intel If ya could just go back ta base?” Scout asked confused. Spy got up and walked to Scout and was handing over the intel. 

“Well I believe you should take the intel,” Scout grabbed the intel but spy didn’t let go. “Stupide Lapin.” After calling Scout a stupid rabbit he used the intel to toss the runner around. 

Scout got back up when realising that Spy was RED. He rushed to the Spy, gripped his suit and threw him at the table the Spy was originally sitting on. Scout after ran to Spy and jumped. When landing Scout was on Spy’s lap. He wrapped his legs around Spy and dropped back. 

The intel fell onto Scout’s stomach when Spy protected his fall. Scout’s eyes were closed but opened immediately when seeing Spy staring him down. Scout was laying down while Spy was on his hands and knees keeping the speedy boy secure. 

“You’re not going anywhere lapin traître.” Spy grinned at all the things that he could do. Scout raised a leg to knee him in an area you wish he didn’t. Spy groaned before dropping onto speed racer. Spy chuckled when noticing the mistake. 

“You’re kidding.” Scout sighed. After that he tried getting up but he was kept down by Spy. Spy got up but only so he could get a better position. Scout was then pissed, it was going to be the same so he tried something new he would never do in a million years. 

He raised head to Spy’s to give a hate fueled kiss. Spy was surprised to feel the soft lips of Scouts. This kissed ranged on from 5-10 seconds before Scout managed to get out of Spy’s grasp and run with the intel. 

Spy stood up wanting to get Scout to come back and love him but Scout was gone. He now awaits a day when he can get BLU Scout to kiss him again and feel those soft Scout lips again.


	11. My Bloody Valentine | Medic x Heavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day to Heavy Medicine.

A/N: The title is based on that horror movie. Ha. Ha ha. HA HA HA LAUGH MOTHER FUCKER. 

Third person (Yay) 

It was Valentines Day at the RED base. They decided to do an unusual thing this year. They were gonna have a cuddling day. Pyro thought of it and Engineer helped it to be a thing. 

Last year what they did was have a game where they would only kill each other by cutting out hearts. They had a few problems with this.

First and foremost, it was a challenging game. You would either get nearly killed trying to cut through the front, or you would have to stoop low and back cut. 

Another thing was trying to cut out Heavy’s heart. Who could forget all the blood they had to clean? Not on the battlefield, on their clothes. Spy would have had an aneurysm if it wasn’t for the fact of him hiding and disobeying the rules when he got to kill. 

So a cuddling day was certainly an improvement. 

They originally wanted to have one big orgy of cuddling, but they feared crushing Heavy. Don’t look at me like that! Heavy might be big, but a pile of eight people who fight for fun is bigger. 

Instead, they paired up. Soldier already asked Engineer to be his valentine, actually he didn’t ask. He said “Be my valentine maggot.” and didn’t get off his ass until he said “Okay Sol.”. I mean the ass part literally. He gripped Engie’s butt before saying it, and he didn’t stop grabbing until then. 

Demoman saw that and got saddened. He went off to go drink and cry alone. Pyro asked him multiple times if he wanted to cuddle but Demoman never said yes. It’s not that he didn’t want to cuddle, it’s just he was crying so loud and he doesn’t understand Pyro language. 

Most of the team understands the language, except for Scout, Demoman, and Sniper. Scout has no need, Demoman would always ask Soldier, and Sniper always has Pyro write in a special notepad. He had to use his note pad once for Pyro so he got a notepad for them. Pyro decorated it with stickers and the words “My Love”. Or at least I think Pyro put that on it. 

Medic paired up with Heavy because they were partners and the remaining two paired up before them. Medic was okay with his position because Heavy was heavy, so he practically was a pillow and heater. Heavy was a bit happy himself. Medic was always his favorite mercanary.

He remembered those times on Halloween. Once they dressed up as Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster. Engineer and Sol were kicked to be Dr. Kahl and his robot. There was one time when Heavy dressed up as the Grand Duchess so Medic dressed up as a magical princess to comfort him. 

They walked together down to Medic’s office. Medic said that he would use his own bed for cuddling. He kept that promise and quickly sat down on the bed. Heavy walked with him and flopped down. The weight of Heavy, when dropping made Medic bounce. 

“Scheisse!” Medic shouted before dropping next to Heavy. “Misha I told you not to flop!” Medic was a bit enraged. He calmed down when seeing him shrug and do that cute sorry face. 

“I vould like to say zhat I von’t be cuddling up to you but ve vill say I did.” Heavy nodded. He wasn’t really happy anymore. He wanted to cuddle Medic. To wrap his arms around him would be heaven to him. 

Heavy always liked Medic but he, though liking him back, would never show emotion. Heavy thought about what he could do to change the doctors mind. It suddenly appeared. 

“You might not cuddle up to me, but who is to say I don’t cuddle you?” Heavy inched himself closer to Medic just for him to slide away. When moving away from Heavy he nearly fell off the bed. But when Medic lost hope Heavy caught him and dragged him back. 

“So you saved me but dragged me to you? Vonderful idea!” Medic exclaimed. “I think you deserve za cuddling.” Medic done his best to get closer to Heavy. 

AND THEY ALL CUDDLED. AFTER THAT SOLDIER DRAGGED EVERYONE OUT TO A CUDDLE ORGY BECAUSE VALENTINES DAY! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FUCKERS!


	12. What you got under your shirt | Spy x Scout?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Love me’ Is what the poor Scout thought.

A/N: The title was a song lyric from MCR’s Teenagers! Woo! I’m a fangirl bitch!

Btw its Scouts POV, I know, again 

I woke up and got up. It was a nice day and I was not going to waste it. So naturally I put on my red shirt and quickly covered my tighty whitey ass with brown pants. 

Once I was done I head to the bathroom to wash my face and shower. You know, what I usually do. Some people ask me why I put on my clothes then get a shower. It’s so no drunk Demo or sneaky sneky Spy comes after my back meat. I remember the first time that happened. 

Oh god don’t think about it, you think about it and he touches your ass.

I made it without anyone bothering me, so that’s a plus. No one was in the bathroom, it wasn’t covered in ddv, Drunk Demo Vomit, and no Spy was hiding in the shower stall so I am perfect, or not. 

I looked in the mirror to see a hot babe wearing my red shirt, my pants, she had my hair, my tags, and she was me. The only thing that was different was she had bigger tits then me, she has B’s, I have none. 

“Shit!” I yelped. I knew exactly who and what happened. Yesterday was Halloween and every Halloween was the same. Soldier would get Mesaramus (That’s how you spell right?), while we had a party and got wasted Mesaramus would fuck with us, and we would wake up cursing the day we met him. I think we were drunk then too. 

All I hoped for was that I didn’t wake up with anyone. Last year I saw Sniper in my bed. I yelled at him like it was no tomorrow while he would just tease me by saying I fucked like I fight, fast. Thank goodness he never said it in front of DADDY! No, why did I say that? I meant Spy. Luckily he forgot about this too. 

I didn’t dare to check for anyone so there was one thing I could do, play with myself. Don’t look at me like that, I’m a boy that has been turned into a girl, what do I do? Fashion talk with the PURPLE team Demomoman? Heck no! Let’s get that shirt off and get that Mrs. Pauling voice game on! 

“Oh wow I didn’t expect this Mesaramus.” They were big, nice, healthy, unlike that one Scout that got kidnapped by a Spy. He still gets fucked to this day. 

“Oh Scout! I really like you...” 

“Don’t worry sweetheart, you’re gonna like me a lot more after this...” I grab my tits and mess with them a bit while moaning in my Pauling voice. 

“S-Scout! What are you d*moan*doing?” I slide my hand down my pants and like expected, I had a vagina. Oh happy day I can finger myself like the horny girl I am! I’m actually not that happy. 

“*groan* Enfer, What happened?” Shit. There was someone else in the room, someone who I didn’t want in here, more than a Demoman. Spy. 

I quickly put down my shirt and get my pants adjusted so I looked normal. But how do I look normal with these tits?! Maybe I could stand the other way and pretend to be undressing and about to shower? I don’t know! You tell me a better idea! 

The shower curtains are sliding so it’s now or nothing. Go hard or go home. Get hard or get hor- what? I turn around. 

“Oh Spy, you were in there?” I ask nonchalantly. 

“Oui, I thought the moaning was in a sick dream where you would be fucking me as I was a girl. But it was you who was the lapin malade.” I could see in the mirror he was stepping out and coughing a bit. 

“W-What?” 

“Oui, you thought I couldn’t hear that? I’m hung over not deaf.” He stumbled out to me. While pushed me out by grabbing my right boob and pushing me back. 

“Did you think I would do you here too? ‘Oh Scout! You have become a female? I will fuck you on the spot because we’re are all a lapin famille!’ Non, never.” I just stood suprised to see such a bitchy Spy. 

I have learned something, if you get a Spy drunk, the next day he will be a girl on her period.


	13. Jdnt | Spy x Scout (Lemony themes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please it’s not okay...   
> oh can’t you feel your dirty face  
> oh don’t it leave that filthy taste  
> When you squeeze that life untamed”

A/N: Glass Animals. Ha, ha, HA. LAUGH LIL BITCH. 

Third Person 

“WELL APPEARS THAT NOT A LOT OF US LIKED VALENTINES DAY SO TODAY WE DO SOMETHING NEW. THIS IS A SEXUAL THING. OBVIOUSLY.” Soldier blushed but no one could see the rose cheeks. “I REALLY THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD FIND OUT YOURSELVES.”

It was February 15 and Soldier wanted to keep up the romance by making up a story. If anyone asked who didn’t like it he would yell at them that a lot of the team didn’t like it. 

This idea was fresh, new, and absolutely weird. It was this strip club like idea, but the valentines would be doing a tease for the Valentino’s. The chart goes: 

Scout: Valentine 

Soldier: Valentino 

Pyro: Valentine

Demoman: Valentine 

Heavy: Valentino 

Engineer: Valentine 

Medic: Valentine 

Sniper: Valentino 

Spy: Valentino 

The more you know! 

They went back to base after hearing that the gym area is where shit’s going down. Spy was happy with who he was. Being a Valentino was better, you would get to see the girl of the valentine pair doing their best to get you off without undressing you. 

Spy chuckled. If it was how he proceives it to work out, then the ever so awkward Scout would dance for him. He thinks it will go like this... 

Engineer and Demoman will try for Soldier, Medic will go for Heavy, Pyro and Sniper have been close ever since Freak Day, so they would pair up. Leaving Scout. Soldier made it clear that no one would be alone, even then it would be nice to see. Wether he does it to Spy or got the option for someone else, either way he would have to tease someone, and Spy would laugh his ass off. 

Le Time skip 

Spy got ready for his meeting with the Scout. He threw away his completed smoke and adjusted his tie. It’s important to look nice, don’t forget the layers, if you don’t have layers then Scouts will get impatient, and it’s fun to see an impatient Scout. 

He started walking to the gym when done looking nice. He made sure he was a bit late so he could get the Scout anxious to get it over with. The door was in sight and was now open for him because of him pulling open the door. 

It was just how he imagined, Soldier was getting Demo ass with Engineer doing his best to twerk and tease. It looked like Engineer was wining. Medic was sitting, facing front, on Heavy’s lap as he touched him. Pyro was dancing cutely for Sniper but he had to tell him about what to do. 

“Pyro, mate, ya do this. Sit down.” Pyro sat in Snipers seat when hearing his friend talk. Sniper then switched roles to teach them how to tease. 

Spy grinned knowing what was to happen. He would sit down in front of the little stage, Scout would walk out with rose cheeks as he then would start trying to get him hot. But it’s not like that. 

Scout felt his lips, making sure they were soft, checked his pants, tightened his wraps, and pulled up his boots. He checked if Spy was out there (there is a curtain obviously) and then sighed when knowing the objective. 

“Hey Spy...” He said sexually. He walked out with a hot stride. If you listened you could hear JDNT by Glass Animals.

Scout crouched down when in front of Spy. 

“Scout, you look nice.” Spy responded. He looked up and down at Scout, admiring the man in front of him. He was wearing jean shorts that were cut high and long black heel boots. 

Scout saw the excitement in Spy’s eyes, that itself made him grin. He didn’t want to go to fast so he kept the little chat, but he knew after that it would be his time to shine. 

“So Spy, ya like what ya see?” Scout chuckled a bit when trying to seduce him. The grin that grew on Spy’s face was a sight. 

“Oui. Now, can we get on with this?” As soon as he said this the chorus came. 

“Please it’s not okay...” Scout sang along lightly. He touched Spy’s face softly, not to much to disturb him. 

“Oh can’t you feel your dirty face...” he smiled before dropping down onto Spy’s lap.

“Oh don’t it leave that filthy taste...” he stuck his fingers in his mouth and pressed the too fingers against Spy’s lips. 

“When you squeeze that life untamed...” Scout dropped his hand to grab Spy’s, with it he used his hand to grab his dick at the ‘squeeze’ part. 

Spy smiled when realising that this Valentine’s Day he wouldn’t be alone.


	14. Sexually problems | Little bit of all my ships (Fuck it’s filthy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feel the sexuality in the air?

Hey look, SCOUTS POV 

I was wide awake so I decided to walk around the base. Nothing to unusual, just some 10:00 walking. First one I wanted to talk with would probably be Medic. I was having the same nightmare, Spy was my dad. Just thinking about it scares me. 

When I reached the doctors office I heard something I thought I would never hear. Something hot, something that made me shiver. 

It was moaning. But not just ‘I’m in pain’ moaning, not ‘I’m close’ moaning. Simple sex moaning. Luckily the door was cracked so I could see what was happening. I saw Medic blindfolded with a rag I swore Spy’s used. The only reason I know it is, is because of that Scout sex slave legend. 

Medic was tied to a broken chair, the sitting part was ripped up so anyone who sat would have their ass exposed, while naked. Heavy was there and feeling up and down Medic. Usually parts that would make him squirm or moan. 

If I told Soldier than he could stop it, he is the man of the house. With that idea in my head and a slight boner in my pants, I walked to Soldier’s room. 

The door was completely shut but I could hear everything going on. It sounded like Engineer was in there being punished by Soldier. I was about to start routing for him but then I heard him speak. 

“No Engie! I can’t have you kissing other guys! Joke or not!” I could hear a slap before he continued. “Because of this, your getting punished.” 

“Sol, please. Remember last time? My butt hurt like I sat on a chair of nails last time.” I heard another slap. 

“No buts except for your’s! Now, you call me master.” I heard a light chuckle. 

“Oh, master. I can stop this feeling, it’s just, I want to be punished now...” Engineer was probably enjoying himself. 

Now Sol is being romantic?! This has to stop. 

But no one else but Sniper was left to talk to. Demoman, Spy, and Pyro I don’t trust and won’t tell. So the thought of being hurt probed my mind as I go to Snipers room. 

His room was open and no freak show was being held so I think I’m good. I opened the door lightly and I saw Pyro and Sniper, attempting to, kiss. 

“Oh Scout. Ya came. Surprising. Did ya want to join?” Sniper looked cheerful. 

“What are we d-!” I was cut off by Sniper. 

“I was hoping someone would join. We asked Soldier but he said ‘e was punishing Engie, we also asked Heavy and Medic but they were busy, we were to scared to ask Spy or Demo, and we didn’t want to ask ya. I’m happy you found out!” As he was talking about the couples I had some ‘Nam flashbacks. 

“But What are we doing?” He walked up to me. After that he grabbed my bum and touched my lips. 

“You should know, it’s your time to lose that purity. Ya ready masturbation queen?” Pyro immediately got to, muffled, yelling. 

“Oh sorry mate, I was forcing ya.” He let go but then gone back to the same position. “But are ya ready?” 

I rushed out of the room. 

Nope nope nope, so much nope.

I had to get to my room. It was such a sexual night and thoughts of Sniper touching me have already raised a boner. It was weird but I really liked it. No one can be trusted so it’s time for bed. Time to sleep off the PTSD that the sex has caused.

But as I was running to my room I bumped into someone. When I looked in front of me and up I saw Spy. He looked down seriously before saying something weird that would make you shit your pants. 

“Are you done jerking off while checking out the sex show?” Well f me. He found out. I tried my best to be serious and calm but he picked me up. 

“Well, Let’s add to the show, shall we?” He asked. I wanted to say no but he held my hips and gave me a few kisses while walking to my room. 

“Now lapin... undress.”


	15. Symptoms | Soldier x Engineer (Oh the feels!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The blind Engineer finds his love... d e a

A/N: This shot deals with serious things, not cancer, but it’s close. 

Engineers POV 

I woke up seeing nothing but black, like usual. My eyes were open but I still couldn’t see. I have been blind for the longest time, and I would always yell for one person to help me. But that was long ago. After finding out we loved each other we slept in the same bed, so when I woke up I could wake him up and he would help me get dressed. 

“Sol. Sol wake up.” I called for him and usually he would hear and wake up like that. But he was still asleep. I could feel him close, but he didn’t even attempt to get up. 

“Sol? Are you here?” My voice quivered as I called out for him. If he wasn’t here I would find a gun and end it. Maybe then I would see him. As I continued calling for him I felt around the bed. When finding his shoulder I shook it to wake him. 

“What? Engie am I talking or am I imagining things? Engie?” I really didn’t know what he was talking about. 

“Yeah Sol, you’re talking.” He must’ve not heard me because when I said that he asked me again. I felt for his face then directed to me. 

“Yes, you’re talking.” I said it slower. 

“I can’t hear you! I can’t hear me! I can only read your, sweet lips.” He gotten closer to me, I could tell by his breathing. “Can we just stay here?” 

“No Sol. We have to get to Medic and-.” 

“What has ‘herr doktor’ done for us? What did he do when you were blind? Just because he couldn’t cure it with the medigun he gave up and said ‘walk it off.’ I don’t want to see his face, or anyone’s face! I just wanna stare at yours.” 

“Sol,” I couldn’t speak as fast. “At least you can see my face. I would love to see your face. To know where I’m going without help, to get up on my own, all sorts of things.” I had to put my two cents in as well. Before he continued arguing he kissed me passionately. His lips were chapped but I still knew they were meant for good kisses like this one. 

“If it wasn’t for my help we wouldn’t be kissing, we wouldn’t be in love and we would have those teen stories where the girl likes the boy and in the end they fall in love. That’s not reality. We are in pain but we have the gift of love. True American-.” 

“Stop it with the America! It doesn’t matter. What does matter is getting us to a Medic!” I hate to yell at him but he needs to stop being right and start getting to the doctor. He finally complied and helped me get dressed before going to the Medic with me. 

“Oh herr Soldier. Does Engineer need anything?” Medic questioned.

“Sol is deaf. We need your help.” 

“Vell I vill check his ears but if there is nothing I can do, you know.” He placed Soldier on the bed and started the checkup. He occasionally asked me questions. Like ‘What do you think caused this?” and others. 

TIME SKIP 

“Well you’ve told zhe truth. He is deaf. But there is nothing I can do about it so he-!” I had to stop him, Tears were running down my cheeks and him talking made me hurt more. 

“DON’T YOU HAVE A HEAVY THAT NEEDS TO BE DRESSED UP?!” I shouted. I wanted to be left with him before going to the room with him. 

TIME SKIP (AGAIN) 

I got Sol up and had him help me to the room. He had to help me walk and do things and I had to speak slower. A simple fix, not really. 

We got to my room and sat down on the bed. We stared into nothing for a while before I broke the silence. 

“It’s like we have cancer.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

“Because we’re probably gonna get killed first.” 

“Engie, I would love to hear your voice again, those sweet sounds was glorious.” 

“Sol, I would like to see you again, that handsome stone face was the best I’ve ever seen.”


	16. Aqua Team Swimming Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swimming with a wizard on the team isn’t the best idea.

A/N: ;) Warning: Long and its only one part.

Scout shall tell about this weird af shot, Scouts honour 

It was a hot summer day in the city of Townsville, so Soldier gotten us to go to the secret pool that we apparently own. Thank fuck everyone had swim wear so we didn’t have to buy some, or worse, share. Most of us had different pairs of swim trunks, but some of us didn’t have that luxury. 

“So we don’t make that much of a mess we should-.” Engineer was talking and trying to be cautious but was sadly interrupted by Soldier cannonballing. He shook his head and sighed. The fact that they were the closest to a couple hurt him more. 

Most of us walked to the pool, but of course Spy would be slipping into the hot tub. Spy was wearing velvet and light red swim trunks. It kinda looked like those fancy gucci boxers that the rich bitches wear. He didn’t take of his bacalava or his gloves but the rest of his body was revealed. 

“Sol you know your splashes are always big. Now there’s water on the floor.” Engineer was wearing wrench patterned swim trunks, he wore his signature goggles as well. 

“Sorry Engie.” Soldier said and OH MY GOD HE WAS SPEAKING CALMLY. He kept his helmet on while wearing American flag swim trunks. What did you expect? Something not patriotic? 

Heavy and Medic sat on the side of the pool with their feet in the water, Heavy was wearing red swim trunks as Medic wore white with a red cross pattern swim trunks. With that said, Pyro and Sniper were splashing each other. Sniper was wearing an Australian flag pair and Pyro wore a wet suit with his signature gloves and gas mask, accompanying it was flippers and an unicorn floaty.

Engineer softly dropped into the water and talked while Soldier was swimming laps, like a true American. There was not a lot for me to do, oh yeah, Demoman was swimming with whiskey covered swim trunks. (It’s a pattern obviously). So I just walked over to Spy and done my best not to be awkward. 

“Hey Spy. What’s up?” He looked over at me as I tried my best to be calm while talking to him. Considering he is the guy to impress in this team I was very awkward. It wasn’t just the fact he’s a cool guy that made me shy, it was what I was wearing as well. 

“Scout? What are *laugh* you wearing?” He was laughing his ass off. I was wearing a speedo that ma gave me, but that’s not it. I was also wore a snorkel and a pair of goggles. “Why are you wearing the goggles?” He kept laughing. Hey, I covered first base, laughter. But that’s only one of fifty-five. 

“Hey!” I was a bit flustered and I wanted to punch his lights out, but this would be a good time to make a joke that he would enjoy. “It’s so I could go down under.” It’s not much of a joke, but it certainly says ‘let’s fuck’. Sadly enough, SOMEONE heard. 

“Did I ‘ear ya correctly mate? Did ya say ‘down under’?” Oh no it’s creep number two. ITS TIME, I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT. 

“Hey creep number two. Could ya go back to your girlfriend and splash her like the creep that you are? Splashing a little girl, like what the fuck get a life.” Had too. No matter how many times Spy would tell me to calm my shit, I would still say it was worth it every time. 

Sniper grinned and swam back to his pony loving Pyro. The only things I admired about him was his ability to not be shy and him seeing Pyro’s face. He says that his face was the best he has seen, he also says that we were stupid to not date him. 

“Well someone knows how to get people away. So do you want to go, down under?” He winked. I smiled when knowing something great was about to happen. But once I dropped into the heated water, something happened and we all fell asleep. 

Time skip 

We all woke up a bit later, I woke up to the sound of Engineer screaming and water splashing. 

“SOL! SOL WAKE UP!” I raised my head to see something by the works of Mesaramus (still don’t know if that’s right.). Engineer had his chest cupped like as if he had tits and had a mermaid tail. I could see that everyone else did too. 

“What is it Engie? When did you grown boobs?” Soldier was still a man but Engineer had the tits. 

“WE’RE MERMAIDS NOW! I think Mesaramus was summoned.” 

“Well get some seashells. I don’t want your tits exposed. DOES ANYONE HAVE SEASHELLS? KRAUT, GET SOME SEASHELLS!” Soldier pointed one hand at Medic and used his free arm to hug Engineer. 

“I have my own problems herr Soldier.” Medic was also a girl. “Sniper?” Sniper was a girl. 

“HOW AM I THE GIRL?” Sniper yelled. When he looked over Pyro was still a guy. “PYRO IS THE SHEILA IN THE RELATIONSHIP!” Pyro just laughed and clapped. 

“Anyone know where Demoman is?” Heavy asked. Suddenly a shark poked out of the water. 

“Look who’s a shark?! I’m going to eat you all, starting with Soldier.” Demoman was a man in a shark body, literally he was himself but only his head could be seen in the shark. It was controlled by him and even had an eyepatch. Now that I’m done explaining, he grinned. 

“Alright Demoman is shark, Scout is mermaid too?” My head was poked up so we could tell I was mostly human, but I raised my legs rather than a tail. “How is Scout human? Where is Spy?” I felt something slimy touch my leg. It tickled and I moaned a bit. I looked at the source and it was an octospy. 

“This reminds me of one of Scouts anime’s that he always watches when he has a boner.” 

\- - - 

Scouts POV 

Spy was staring down at me with the most serious face. I was blushing like crazy, you know he talked about hentai while touching me, but he stared down like he wasn’t liking this. Everyone stared at him and would look up to see them but look down at me with that stone cold face that people like me would die to kiss. It’s kinda hard to stare up at his icy blue eyes because they felt like fire on mine. 

“Okay so that happened, me and Medic and gonna get a water sample, Demoman, Scout, Spy and (thinking pause) Heavy are gonna be tested as well as the water.” Engineer and Medic helped each other cause they are the smartest, but apparently having your boyfriend test on another guy was enough for Soldier to get angry. 

“WHY NOT ME ENGIE?” Soldier swam up to Engineer with the most pissed swim a person, or mermaid in this case, could swim. 

“Well Sol, I don’t think you want Medic ta test on ya.” Engineer rose his hand to Soldiers cheek as Soldier pulled Engineer closer. It is kinda adorable seeing that new side of Soldier. A compassionate one with a hint of gloom. Encore. 

“True.” Soldier started to swim back but then had to ask such a crazy question. “Can we make merbabies?” Engineer froze. 

“Sol?” He paused but then regained his cool. “I don’t think we are able to, also it might take long, and I don’t think I wanna cut off my dick so I can have a vagina and be able to give birth. Besides, wouldn’t you miss getting it from me?” Engineer, with rose cheeks, looked over at Soldier while wearing an awkward smile. 

“You do know I would probably be the first to, shit, get pregnant. Spy is, oh, already getting my ass.” They looked over at me and saw my ass getting the tentacle. They stood shocked for awhile but got back to work right after. 

ONH HONH HONH, TITTY CROISSANT 

“THATS IT! Its not Mesaramus’s fault that we turned up like this, he put this sea potion in the water, but first made us fall asleep, and when we woke up we would be a fish of some sort, what kind depended on our personality!” He jumped for joy. “The gender we got depended on how we acted in our relationship, Demo became a shark because he’s always lonely and rejected like as if he was dangerous, Scout stayed human because he is bland, and Spy became an octopus because he is like a sneaky spider, eight legs/limbs.” 

“If I may Mer-Engineer, Scout is the female.” 

“And I am the man!” Sniper added. 

“Spy first, Scout can be sexual and boyish, though I can be sexual it’s rare, but Scout is another story. Sniper you can be cowardly and also, compare your faces. Just in case.” 

“So how do we not be mermaids any more Engineer?” Heavy asked. 

“Well.... Sol if you would do the honours...” 

“My pleasure, MESARAMUS COME OUT! I WANT TO HAVE A NICE DAY!” Soldier done his thing that he does on Halloween to summon Mesaramus. 

“Oh hey Sol what’s up? Oh it’s these guys. What do ya need?” Mesaramus suddenly appeared. 

“WE WANT TO BECOME HUMANS AGAIN.” Soldier was always calm in front of Mesaramus because if not he would get called a bitchy grandpa. 

“Oh? Easy peasy. But, you didn’t specify WHAT kind of human so... I guess you guys are gonna be so horny ya fuck the men ya wouldn’t do in a hundred leaps.” 

“NORMAL!” 

“SEXY!” 

“DRUNK!” 

“Hmph amph nmph!” 

“Horny.” Everyone looked at me. “What? Medic said sexy.” They all look at Medic who just shrugged. 

“Alright dweebs. Normal!” He flicked his fingers at each person when they got what they wanted. “Sexy, drunk, kawaii, bad ass, smart, seductive, hungry, horny. Oh who could forget! Your all normal. See ya idiots!” Everyone was normal except for me. 

“Uh Spy, can we go to your room after we get dressed?” Thank goodness no one could see the obvious bulge in my speedo. 

A/N: In battle Mesaramus is a bad ass, normally he is a bitchy teen. Mischievous as always.


	17. Flaming Face | Sniper x Pyro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyro’s a good mate.

Snipers POV 

It was a stormy night. Soldier was yelling about something, probably how we wouldn’t be fighting, but I was captivated by Pyro. The firebug was always hidden, but somehow exposed to me. There was so many questions. 

What is your gender? What do you look like? Where are you from? Is there anything wrong with you? 

But none of those questions were really what I wanted. I wanted to know why the crazy little flame liked me. There was one time when I saved their skin and ever since they were attached to me. But that wasn’t the only time, one day we were to fuck but they played dolls with me. 

We were sent off, that was all I heard. Pyro skipped over to me. They hugged me with a death grip. I think they said something but my thoughts tuned it out. They poked me when I didn’t say anything. 

“Oh sorry mate, could ya write it down?” I handed them my notepad that I gave to him. It was just a normal one. I held on to it so it didn’t get burnt. 

“Do you want to hang out my room?” They wrote. 

“Yeah love.” I don’t know why I said ‘love’ instead of ‘mate’ but Pyro went along with it. We walked to their room. The door was a serious wooden door with a paper on it. The paper had a greatly detailed drawing of a Pegasus with Pyro riding it. Above it was a rainbow and the word “Pyroland”. There was another paper with a detailed drawing of me blushing with a soft smile. 

They opened the door which leads to a room filled with pony magic. It had green carpeting, like grass, and a blue wallpaper that had rainbows and cute unicorns. There was a bed, their balloonibouncer, a miniature pool filled with gasoline and a nice rubber ducky, and two unicorn onesies. 

I was astounded to see a room greater than Spy’s. I remember the time Spy got so drunk he invited me and Scout for a threesome. Jesus Chrysler. They rushed to the unicorn onesies and started taking off their clothes when I shut the door. I covered my eyes like a gentleman. 

“Hmph amph mph!” (I’m done!) When I uncovered my eyes I saw Pyro as a unicorn. It was better then the magical mercanary time. Soldier claimed to be the prettiest unicorn, but Pyro is in town, so no. Sorry Sol! They tossed over a onesie. 

“Uh, well...” 

“Mph amph hmph!” (Go ahead!) They covered their eyes like me. I undressed then slipped into the onesie. Strangely enough it was my exact size. I snapped when I was done. When they uncovered their eyes they clapped and rushed to me so they could hug me. 

“Well mate, I was wondering a few things. One is obvious.” They stopped then looked up to me with a questioning head tilt. “What does your face look like?” Their head dropped before he started sliding of their mask. 

Their face wasn’t too bad. It was like a normal teen face, but the hair. It was shaved on the sides so they had a floofy Mohawk. Like that one character from Househeld, by Drew Hurrie. That’s not it. The colours of the floofhawk was purples and pinks and white like the mane of a unicorn. 

“So, What’s next?” They asked. I could tell they were a guy by the voice, but it was a gentle voice. One that was mystical and both genders. 

“Why do you like me so much?” I asked. 

“Pfft! That’s an easy answer! You’re so captivating, and different to me. I stay around you because I wanna see things I have never knew about. You know how I acted when I heard the word ‘sheila’? It took me forever to find out it meant ‘girl’. I love learning about your culture, and you’re the perfect representative of it that, I love you.” There was an awkward pause. 

“Now, can we cuddle like normal couples?” He pulled down his mask. I nodded before walking with him to the bed. He was still holding onto the notepad so he gotten some glitter, stickers and a marker. He covered the cover with pink glitter, put heart stickers and written on it ‘My Love’. He set it on the bedside table, aka the floor, then hopped onto the bed. He pulled up the mask a bit. 

“I love you Sniper. I hope you love me too, like the good couples. Maybe one day we can cuddle like the others.” 

A/N: Pyro in this world is a “boy” with unicorn hair. He is adorable and pure but knows about all the messy gorey stuff, though he doesn’t like it he knows one day it has to be done. But not today, not now, not until he witnesses him or Sniper die.


	18. Thank fuck it’s a thanksgiving story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Insert Title here)

A/N: I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT THANKSGIVING AND I DONT THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE DO SO HERE COMES SHIT. BEEP BEEP BUCKET. 

Third Person 

“ALRIGHT EVERYONE. IT’S THANKSGIVING. WE ALL KNOW THANKSGIVING AND HOW SPECIAL IT IS TO US-!” 

“Soldier, apologies for interrupting but, some of us are not American. So-.” Spy was interjecting. 

“WELL AMERICAN YOU ALLOW ME TO TALK BEFORE MY PATRIOTIC BOOT GOES UP YOUR FRENCH ASS?!” Jesus. “MERCI! Now ENGIE TELL THE REST! I HAVE TO POLISH MY BOOT.” 

“We are going to invite the BLU team over for dinner like the Indians and the English.” Engineer was clearly reading off of the note Soldier gave him but didn’t like what he saw so he read something different. 

“BUT WE’RE GOING TO KILL THEM!” Soldier shouted from his room. 

“We’re not going to kill them.” 

TIME SKIP OUI OUI! 

The first to enter the RED base from the BLU team was the BLU Engineer. RED Soldier greeted him with a smile. 

“WELL HELLO OTHER ENGIE! WELCOME TO OUR BASE! OUR PYRO IS MAKING THE TURKEY AND OUR SCOUT IS WORKING WITH OUR SPY TO SET UP THE TABLE.” 

“Pyro’s just burn the food. I make the food over at our base. Pairing up Scouts and Spy’s is a horrible idea. You know the Frenchman is just gonna touch all over the boy.” Soldier then grabbed the Engineer by the collar. 

“AFTER TONIGHT YOU’RE GOING TO WISH YOU NEVER SET FOOT IN OUR BASE.” The Engineer scoffed. 

“After tonight you’re going to wish we didn’t.” Engineer dropped down with ease. After that he walked past Soldier with the rest of the team. The opposing Scout stopped. 

“Yeah, He is one tough cookie. Even I’m nicer den dat.” He continued walking. 

Oh yay a time skip. 

“Good job Pyro! Ya really made this mate!” Sniper applauded RED Pyro. In return they done the ‘oh stop’ motion. 

“Good? This is good? I make way better food.” The BLU Engineer said. BLU Soldier leaned next to him. 

“Yes you do honey.” They had a small kiss before returning to the meal. Scout was just sitting normally but then he felt someone’s hand touch his thigh. The closest one to him was his Spy but he was simply eating. 

“Alright. Who ever touched mah thigh is gonna get kicked.” Engineer looked at Scout with a stern look. Spy chuckled, both of them. “Ok whichever Spy done this is one step from getting their dick cut off.” Engineer facepalmed. 

Heavy was trying to take bits of Medics food. Medic then sighed and started talking. 

“Sweetie there is more food. You can get your own.” 

“But is awkward. I really don’t want to.” 

“Here I will get you some more.” Medic got Heavy a second plate then started feeding him. Engineer knew that at the end he was going to have a chat with the team after the BLU team left. 

Time skip after they were done with food and almost everyone from the BLU team has left. 

“Engineer!” The other Engineer called him over. “Your team, is the best team I have seen! We were there but your team was just so casual. I hate being formal but when you’re the leader it’s so hard. The food was actually really good and better then my cooking, and your team being themselves was the best! I can’t wait to see your team again!” The opposing Engineer walked out. 

“Team! I heard from the other Engineer that we were great! Next time, let’s act more casual!” Engineer shouted. Everyone clapped and done their own celebration. Soldier probably had the best because he yelled “Frenchie I am ready to get your ass probed by my boot!” Or at least I think he was celebrating.


	19. If you die now | Scout x Spy (Feels)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby don’t go

A/N: If you need to feel the feels then listen to Ruby by Foster the People to feel it. That’s my inspiration for the shot. 

Spy’s POV 

I walked to Scouts room. I heard that there was something happening so I waited for it to die down. It involved him and Medic. I’m hoping that it’s something good, but if it is, chances are they would be in love or something close to that. 

I opened the door. The room was like a room from a hospital. Scout was laying on his bead with wires and chords attached. I think he is crying. He has to be servely sick because the medigun cures the simple things. 

“H-Hey Spy...” Scout cried out. His voice was weak. The medigun can’t cure blindness, deafness, severe sickness or loss of body parts (Demomans eye). He’s not blind, he knew it was me, he’s not deaf, his head lifted up when I entered, he hasn’t lost a body part, What is it? He looks sick, but what happened? 

“Scout, what happened?” I sat next to his bed by pulling up the chair next to the desk. In response, he done his best to scootch closer to me. I noticed on the monitor his heart rate has increased a bit. 

“Well, Spy. To put it simply, I have cancer.” It decreased. His head dropped down when he saw my shocked facial expression. I lifted up his head. 

“That doesn’t mean your life is over rose douce. Chin up. If you die now, then you’ll die with me.” Scout sighed. “You have lived a full life, don’t feel bad.” I done my best to give him a full smile, but he wore an empty Frown. He got to be apart of action, he got a life that only a few people get to live. How can he still be sad? The answer came sooner then I expected. 

“Spy, I haven’t got to do half the things I wanted to do. I have failed. This is just another loss for me. And I’m supposed to just lay here until I die?” There was a long pause. “Can’t I do better? I can’t.” I looked down while thinking about what I could do. Nothing. Except for something crazy. I know he would smile from this. He will be giggling with closed eyes as he begs me to stop. Or, he will moan and ask about what I’m doing. Either way, he will smile. There is no way that he won’t smile. 

I kissed his hand which was just hanging of the side. He looks at me with sorrow, he is probably thinking I’m about to leave since I usually done that when I was about to leave. Instead my lips move up his arm. 

“What are you d-doing Spy...?” His cheeks flushed red. I see his monitor and how the heart race increased. Once my lips touch his neck (he didn’t have his shirt on so there was room for the wires) his heart race really increases then. “Sp-Spy. Ah ah answer me, please.” The word he never says. I kiss his cheek before stopping. 

“What anyone would do to their lover, one last time. If you die now then the last thing you have felt would be my lips.” I smile. He chuckles a bit. 

“If I died now it wouldn’t be of cancer, it would be from my heart exploding. You know we can’t do it, we would disturb the chords.” I get out of my chair. His heart rate decreased a bit, but immediately increased when I crawl up onto the bed to where our faces were 1 foot away. I kiss him, my tongue searching for his. 

"Wow Spy. Always knew you were crazy." He smiles after I pause. I shake my head. 

"Only for you Rose douce." We continue to kiss until I feel his tongue drop and his lips stop moving. I hear a long beep before realizing he died. With tears in my eyes I looked for the medical papers. 

"Dies in 2 hours. *Don't tell otherwise he will freak out!" I read. His body laid there for a while with me holding it and crying on it. I dried my tears quickly when hearing the door open. 

"Why didn't you tell him that he would die quickly?" I asked, anger in my voice, when seeing it was Medic. 

"I couldn't have him angry, if I did then-." 

"Leave. Get out. Au voir. Bye." The door shuts which left the room quiet. I took out my butterfly knife and cut into him. 

"SPY'S PROPERTY. 'Je t'aime lapin'" 

"Until next time, mon fils."


	20. Bleeding out | Scout x Spy (More feels)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> O h T h E f E e L s

Third Person 

“BLU Team wins!” As the BLU Team celebrated another sweet victory to them the RED Team were complaining and Some grieving. They were all fine but the Scout wasn’t fighting how he usually done, which cost them the game. The Scout was distracted. 

“MAGGOT! YOU COST US THE GAME! BUT FOR WHAT?! JUST CAUSE?! ANSWER ME FUNNY MAN!” The Soldier shouted but the Scout was just staring at him. He never shouted at him, even when he was in the wrong. It was like they were friends before the team. Soldier slapped Scout out of his thoughts and made sure that the Scout focused on him. “MY EYES ARE HERE TRASH CAN! SO ANSWER THE QUESTION!” 

“What did ya need? I didn’t ‘ear ya that first time...” Scout nearly drifted back to his thoughts but another slap surely got him this time. 

“YOU LISTEN TO ME VERY CLEARLY SON. WHY DID YOU THROW THE MATCH?!” Scout paused. It wasn’t that Scout wanted to throw the game, it was him. His thoughts were filled by him. His thoughts were interrupted again by a push to the ground. “WELL, YOU CHOOSE NOT TO ANSWER. THIS IS YOUR FAULT MAGGOT.” The Soldier gave him a slap before beating away. Tears slid down the Scout face. He already had a bloody nose. All he wanted was him. 

“Come on, save me. Please.” The Scout coughing up blood. “Please, I’m begging.” His prayers were answered when someone came by. It wasn’t who he thought it would be though. 

“Sol, please. The boy obviously didn’t mean it.” The Engineer tried to relax Soldier but the rage kept Soldier going. “Why are you so angry anyway? You’re never like this during other lost matches.” 

“ENGIE, IT’S NOT THAT WE LOST. IT’S HOW WE LOST. HE REFUSES TO ANSWER WHEN HE KNOWS IT WOULD BE EASIER IF HE DID! IT’S COUNTLESS!” The Engineer put his hand on his shoulder but he was tossed to the side immediately. Soldier hit him in the stomach with a lot of strength. Engineer fell back by the rest of the team (they were standing back so they didn’t get hit). 

“Sol, *cough* Sol...” the Texan coughed. Tears were filling his goggles so he raised them up. His eyes adjusted to the brighter light. The tears streamed down without the goggles to hold them. Soldier wasn’t happy about his decision either but he continued. 

“I just need to focus Engie, but after I will devote myself to you.” A tear slid down one cheek but you could barely see it because of the blood stained on his hard face. 

“When I need you most... you concentrate on another...” Soldier was to busy with the screams of Scout to hear his sweet Engineer cry. The Scout continued coughing and crying while he waited for his guardian angel to come Free him. 

“P-please...” was the only thing you could hear escape his lips aside from yells of pain. Then there was someone behind Soldier. Him. Then a knife from the back suddenly emerged. 

“Get off of the boy.” The Soldier fell on Scouts legs as the man frowned upon such a sight. Scout had a small smile because there stood his Spy. He kicked Soldiers corpse to the right before grabbing the younger man. The Scout attempted a few words as Spy carried him bridal style to Medic. “Shush, not a word. Heal him up doctor.” 

“Vould you like to let him lay down or-?” The Medic froze when Spy answered his question instantly. 

“I want him in my arms, if that’s all right.” 

“Perfectly fine.” Medic took out the medigun quickly and got right to healing. Scout was looking nicer but he had a few parts that needed healing. Spy kept his focus on Scout and vice versa. Scout studied his features. He looked normal but he had a more caring feel today. 

TIME SKIP! We’re in Scouts room. 

Scout laid in his bed with Spy sitting on the end. His thoughts were filled with him again. But not thoughts about how amazing he was, thoughts on how his relationship changed. 

Did we become lovers? Are we best friends? Stuff like that. 

“Well Scout, I have to get going. But remember; stay still and don’t move to much. I will get you dinner and you can eat in here.” Spy was close to exiting before Scout said something other than “Please” and “save me”. 

“Hey Spy, thanks. If not for you, I would probably be dead.” Spy froze. It was not common for him to get thanks or compliments. “Come here.” Spy gone to the wrapped runner. 

“What is it?” Scout pulled him closer so his mouth was right by Spy’s ear. 

“I love you.” Those words were never said by a Scout. But the Spy knew what he heard. 

 

“I love you too.”


	21. Merry FUCKmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look it’s Christmas with the team.

“ALRIGHT. IT’S WINTER TIME, SO WE ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IN A SPECIAL DAY-!”Soldier was cut off by Spy, again. 

“Some of us don’t believe in God. Some of us are atheists, satanists, Jewish-.” Spy was listing off all the other religions that didn’t celebrate Christmas. 

“SHUT UP CROUTON. AS THE PHYSICAL REPRESENTATION OF SANTA YOU WILL BE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST. NAUGHTY CHILDREN GET BOOTS UP THEIR ASSES. GOOD CHILDREN LIKE ENGIE GET GOOD THINGS.” Soldier yelled. “NOW, MY SWEET LITTLE ENGIE WILL READ OFF THE LIST DURING DINNER. I have another boot to prepare for asses.” Soldier stomped off. It left everyone with Engineer. 

“Pyro, start cooking. Sniper help out with the cooking. Spy and Scout, get the table ready. Heavy Medic and I will get the gifts that you SHOULD HAVE placed on the edge of your beds. We will also put up remaining decorations.” Pyro and Sniper rushed to the kitchen to cook, Scout and Spy walked to the dining area to prepare, and the rest set off to get the rest of the decorations and gifts. 

“What do I do?” Demoman slurred. He assumed nothing so he just walked to his room, ashamed to not be of any help at all. Soldier would love to find out that Demoman helped out, but he couldn’t. The jobs were filled. But has anything changed? Has the entrapment of women via marriage, which Blake called a "gilded cage" merely deteriorated to the "rusty prison" of the Bang Bus, representative of anonymous male-centric sex and continued subjugation?

TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY: Liek ef u cri rry tyme. 

The base was decorated. Well at least the parts that need it, with the rooms that were decorated anyway. Each door had something on it that was related to Christmas, except for Spy’s. 

The smell of roasted chicken and honey glazed ham filled the kitchen and dinning area. Scout and Spy waited in their respected seats for Pyro and Sniper to bring the food and the rest of the team to go to their seats. Soldier and Demoman were the first to sit down. Soldier sitting closer to the head, Demoman sitting next to Spy and Scout on the other side of Spy. Medic, Engineer and Heavy walked in, proud of their work. Engineer sat between Soldier and Scout, Medic and Heavy sat close to the end (Medic next to Demoman) which left two more seats. 

Pyro and Sniper walked out. Pyro held the chicken and ham on each hand (How he’s able to do this is past my imagination) while Sniper held pudding and cookies. As they sat the food down some how the plates got filled with food. They were all surprised and Sniper nearly dropped the pudding because of it. 

“Hello fools! The Santa that you should praise is here! Merasmus!” A chair appeared with him sitting in it. A plate shown up with a few slices of ham. “Now mortals, your Engineer shall read off the good and naughty kids of the team. Oh! Nearly forgot someone else!” Next to him appeared a chair with Miss Pauling tied to it. “Whoops! She was being rude.” The ropes faded out of existence and she finally got to breathe. “Well Engineer, If you would do the honours.” 

“I swear you were a Halloween specific character. Alright. The good boys are; Engineer, Spy, Pyro, Sniper and Heavy. That leaves; Scout, Soldier, Medic and Demoman as naughty children.” Engineer, confused at first, read the note from Merasmus. Soldier immediately got pissed. 

“EXCUSE ME MR. WIZARD MAN. SPY WAS A VERY NAUGHTY BOY. HE, AND EVERYONE ELSE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST, ARE GETTING BOOTS UP THEIR ASSES!” 

“Soldier, Naughty childeren like you get a gift from me. I could have you killed, big heads, jarate, you will never know! Good children like Engineer get sweet gifts that from me, but indirectly.” Merasmus and Soldier stood up, ready for another fight. 

“YOU’RE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST SO GET YOUR ANAL CAVITY PREPARED FOR MY BOOTIUS MAXIMUS!” Engineer quickly stood up to resolve the conflict. 

“You two mother hubbers better calm down before I get test v69!” Test V69 was a test of creating a bot that is like a human and the sixty-ninth was very sexual and ugly. The two boys sat down right after. Engineer sat down with them. “Thank you, now lets eat, presents after.” 

TIME SKIP: Santa Soldier or Santarasmus? 

They finished off the food and got presents. They sat next to the tree and reached for each others gifts. 

“Oh thanks Spy. I totally needed a painting of you mostly undressed.” Spy chuckled. “But don’t worry Spy, I got ya.” Spy opened his gift to see two photos. One was where Scout was dressed as a cheerleader and his underwear was showing. The other was where Scout was wearing lingerie. Female to be exact. 

“Hmph amph... Mph hymph amph Smph pher.” (Aww thanks... I love you Sniper.) Pyro cooed. It was a doll of Pyro and a doll of Sniper. The doll of Sniper was wrapping his arms around Pyro protectively. Pyro lifted his mask a bit. “You open your’s now.” It was a drawing of Sniper and Pyro switching styles. 

There were more such as; a human heart, a toy, etc. But Soldier was ready for the last gift of the night, the boot. 

“ALRIGHT CROUTON. MY GIFT FOR YOU!” Soldier prepared his boot to squeeze into Spy’s ass to where it would be on the new. Spy cloaked so he was not found during the night. 

The end. 

A/N: This one felt rushed but I’m still keeping it as is.“ALRIGHT. IT’S WINTER TIME, SO WE ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IN A SPECIAL DAY-!”Soldier was cut off by Spy, again. 

“Some of us don’t believe in God. Some of us are atheists, satanists, Jewish-.” Spy was listing off all the other religions that didn’t celebrate Christmas. 

“SHUT UP CROUTON. AS THE PHYSICAL REPRESENTATION OF SANTA YOU WILL BE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST. NAUGHTY CHILDREN GET BOOTS UP THEIR ASSES. GOOD CHILDREN LIKE ENGIE GET GOOD THINGS.” Soldier yelled. “NOW, MY SWEET LITTLE ENGIE WILL READ OFF THE LIST DURING DINNER. I have another boot to prepare for asses.” Soldier stomped off. It left everyone with Engineer. 

“Pyro, start cooking. Sniper help out with the cooking. Spy and Scout, get the table ready. Heavy Medic and I will get the gifts that you SHOULD HAVE placed on the edge of your beds. We will also put up remaining decorations.” Pyro and Sniper rushed to the kitchen to cook, Scout and Spy walked to the dining area to prepare, and the rest set off to get the rest of the decorations and gifts. 

“What do I do?” Demoman slurred. He assumed nothing so he just walked to his room, ashamed to not be of any help at all. Soldier would love to find out that Demoman helped out, but he couldn’t. The jobs were filled. But has anything changed? Has the entrapment of women via marriage, which Blake called a "gilded cage" merely deteriorated to the "rusty prison" of the Bang Bus, representative of anonymous male-centric sex and continued subjugation?

TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY: Liek ef u cri rry tyme. 

The base was decorated. Well at least the parts that need it, with the rooms that were decorated anyway. Each door had something on it that was related to Christmas, except for Spy’s. 

The smell of roasted chicken and honey glazed ham filled the kitchen and dinning area. Scout and Spy waited in their respected seats for Pyro and Sniper to bring the food and the rest of the team to go to their seats. Soldier and Demoman were the first to sit down. Soldier sitting closer to the head, Demoman sitting next to Spy and Scout on the other side of Spy. Medic, Engineer and Heavy walked in, proud of their work. Engineer sat between Soldier and Scout, Medic and Heavy sat close to the end (Medic next to Demoman) which left two more seats. 

Pyro and Sniper walked out. Pyro held the chicken and ham on each hand (How he’s able to do this is past my imagination) while Sniper held pudding and cookies. As they sat the food down some how the plates got filled with food. They were all surprised and Sniper nearly dropped the pudding because of it. 

“Hello fools! The Santa that you should praise is here! Merasmus!” A chair appeared with him sitting in it. A plate shown up with a few slices of ham. “Now mortals, your Engineer shall read off the good and naughty kids of the team. Oh! Nearly forgot someone else!” Next to him appeared a chair with Miss Pauling tied to it. “Whoops! She was being rude.” The ropes faded out of existence and she finally got to breathe. “Well Engineer, If you would do the honours.” 

“I swear you were a Halloween specific character. Alright. The good boys are; Engineer, Spy, Pyro, Sniper and Heavy. That leaves; Scout, Soldier, Medic and Demoman as naughty children.” Engineer, confused at first, read the note from Merasmus. Soldier immediately got pissed. 

“EXCUSE ME MR. WIZARD MAN. SPY WAS A VERY NAUGHTY BOY. HE, AND EVERYONE ELSE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST, ARE GETTING BOOTS UP THEIR ASSES!” 

“Soldier, Naughty childeren like you get a gift from me. I could have you killed, big heads, jarate, you will never know! Good children like Engineer get sweet gifts that from me, but indirectly.” Merasmus and Soldier stood up, ready for another fight. 

“YOU’RE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST SO GET YOUR ANAL CAVITY PREPARED FOR MY BOOTIUS MAXIMUS!” Engineer quickly stood up to resolve the conflict. 

“You two mother hubbers better calm down before I get test v69!” Test V69 was a test of creating a bot that is like a human and the sixty-ninth was very sexual and ugly. The two boys sat down right after. Engineer sat down with them. “Thank you, now lets eat, presents after.” 

TIME SKIP: Santa Soldier or Santarasmus? 

They finished off the food and got presents. They sat next to the tree and reached for each others gifts. 

“Oh thanks Spy. I totally needed a painting of you mostly undressed.” Spy chuckled. “But don’t worry Spy, I got ya.” Spy opened his gift to see two photos. One was where Scout was dressed as a cheerleader and his underwear was showing. The other was where Scout was wearing lingerie. Female to be exact. 

“Hmph amph... Mph hymph amph Smph pher.” (Aww thanks... I love you Sniper.) Pyro cooed. It was a doll of Pyro and a doll of Sniper. The doll of Sniper was wrapping his arms around Pyro protectively. Pyro lifted his mask a bit. “You open your’s now.” It was a drawing of Sniper and Pyro switching styles. 

There were more such as; a human heart, a toy, etc. But Soldier was ready for the last gift of the night, the boot. 

“ALRIGHT CROUTON. MY GIFT FOR YOU!” Soldier prepared his boot to squeeze into Spy’s ass to where it would be on the new. Spy cloaked so he was not found during the night. 

The end. 

A/N: This one felt rushed but I’m still keeping it as is.


	22. Bloody Love | Soldier x Engineer (Lemon)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, Sol, I want you now!” His teeth punctured Engineer’s skin.

Engineer had a secret to keep with Soldier. No one knew about it. The only thing that people knew about it was a simple fact; He had lust stronger than any other teammate. 

It started on a stormy, cold, night. Engineer was wanting warmth so he asked for his favourite friend, Soldier. He asked Soldier if he wanted to stay with him tonight since he wasn’t hunting like usual. Soldier accepted, of course, and stayed with Engineer all night. 

“So, Sol, what do ya wanna do?” Engineer asked curiously. 

“I didn’t plan anything.” Soldier admitted. “Did you?” Engineer suddenly got up from his bench and walked towards the man. Soldier sat on the bed as Engineer sat on his lap. 

“Well, Solly boy, I didn’t plan much.” He moved his hips around trying to find the perfect spot. “But I DID plan this.” He wrapped his arms around the bigger man to pull Soldier closer for a kiss. At first he didn’t know what to do but then decided to give in to the Texan. 

Their lips didn’t part for over 30 seconds. The kiss was long and passionate- a pleasure given to both of them. They even forgot to breathe. Once they parted from each other’s begging lips, they had to take in the air they left out. A string of saliva connected the two mouths. 

“Engie, I didn’t know you wanted me like that.” Soldier smiled. 

“Oh, Sol, I REALLY want you. I want you SO bad.” Engineer smiled back. They decided to stop talking and continue the loving. Soldier’s hands crept over to the overalls to undo them, then his hands moved under his shirt to feel Engineer’s smooth (A few scars here and there) back. 

Soldier taken off his friend’s shirt to kiss and lick Engie’s sweet neck. Engineer started removing Soldier’s top as well. “Mmmm...” were the moans that slipped from Soldier’s mouth. 

“Oh, Sol!” Engineer blushed right before feeling a sharp pain in his neck. “WOT IN TARNATION, SOL!” He backed up from Soldier. Soldier held his mouth as blood dripped from his hands. 

“Can’t a vampire do his thing without being considered a demon?!” He wiped his mouth. “Jeez, how rude. I’m suprised that it was you.” 

“Sol, you’re a... vampire? But how? The sun and-!” 

“I mostly stay in buildings,” 

‘he does’ Engineer thought. 

“And I have spf 3000. What else? Garlic? That’s a myth. Can garlic hurt humans?” That was a rhetorical question, obviously. 

“Huh. You’re a vampire. That’s oddly attractive.” 

“Then let’s continue.” 

“I couldn’t agree more, Sol.” Engineer kissed Soldier once again. Like the first kiss, it lasted for a while and was so intimate. The soft pairs clashed together repeatedly. There tongues searched for each other so they could get a taste. 

They parted lips to breathe. It took a while for them to catch the lost breath. The continue to do this while tugging off their clothes. 

“Oh, Sol, I think I’m ready!” They were fully naked and itching to partake in sexual activity. Engineer got some lube and rubbed it all over Soldier’s thick member. Engineer got in the position, moaning at the feel of his big cock inside his ass. 

Soldier held Engineer by the hips to help him ride. Certain times when moving, it would hit his prostate make Engineer yelp. “Does it feel good, maggot?” He grinned. 

“Oh, Sol, yes!” He moved Engineer up and down faster, hitting his prostate more and more. “Goddamn it, Solly, I’m gonna come!” Then Soldier stopped. 

“Beg, cupcake.” 

“Oh, Sol, I want you now!” This made Soldier continue. His teeth punctured Engineer’s skin again. Rather than a yell of terror come out, a wave of pleasure did. The cum spurted out in front of the smaller man. 

“I love you Engie. Remember to keep my secret.” 

“If I get treatment like this more often then we got a secret.” Engineer winked.


	23. Sweet Escape | Engineer x Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I always thought the opposing Spy was something of a wet dream. I was just to into him, but I didn’t care... until one of my dreams became a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one shot is a part of my “ALTERNATE SHIPPING PLAN” Shots. Rather than making shots of my usual ships (Spy x Scout, Pyro x Sniper, Soldier x Engineer, Heavy x Medic) I make Shots for different ships (Scout x Heavy, Soldier x Demoman, Sniper x Medic, Engineer x Spy). This only lasts until I make a shot for each new ship.

Engineer’s POV 

I always thought the opposing Spy was something of a wet dream. He would be killing everyone on my team and leaves me for last. Then he dies before he can even cut into me. That man, the reason was unknown even to me, would always make me hot and bothered. 

I always dreamed of the most sexual situations. One that made me wake up with cum on my sheets was where he would kidnap me and make me his sex toy. Damn I was just too into him, but I didn’t care... until one of my dreams became a reality. 

I was tied to a chair and blindfolded. “Huh, wot in tarnation?” I asked the air around me and suddenly gained a response. 

“Do I need to put a gag in your mouth? I thought the blindfold was enough but it appears that it isn’t.” The man sighed. It was obvious by the French accent that it was a Spy. “But I won’t gag you. I’m nice like that.” Clicks of shoes danced over to me. 

“What’re you doing now?” My breath gets shaky as my heart beats faster. I shouldn’t be worried since I HAVE dreamt of this day for a while now, but I was scared out of my mind. What if he wanted to kill me? I had no idea. The man has unknown intentions. 

“Just a little something...” He chuckled. His bony fingers drummed on my right leg. He definitely didn’t want murder, he was too lustful, he wanted me. This made me more aroused than any of my wet dreams. “Perfection.” 

I blushed as his spider like hand crawled to my erection. I knew that today I didn’t wear overalls and instead I wore regular pants. Because of this, it didn’t take long for my hard-on to be released from the fabricated cage. 

“What a sweet sight.” His hand grabbed my dick making me yelp. Hearing the reaction made him do it again and again. “How cute.” He stopped teasing with my toy and then started licking at my neck with his tongue. 

“Ah... yes....” I moaned. 

“What did you say labourer?” 

“Why did ya take me? Isn’t there a little Scout wanting ya?” I inquired. 

“They’re too loud. Have you ever heard them in the middle of sex?” He laughed. He continued to lick my neck. Suddenly, he stopped. I feel his knife cut my shirt in half. “Enough play. Let’s get started.” He removed my blindfold then dropped to his knees. 

“Whatcha doin’ down there?” I asked him as he licked his lips. 

“Something your little Soldier wouldn’t do.” He licked my tip lasciviously. I groaned once he took it all in. The tip could reach the back of his mouth. His head bobbed in its own rhythm. 

“Goddamn.” I moaned. I was so eager to move my arms but I couldn’t move a muscle with how tight my bonds were. As he sucked, he jacked me off. I was nearly shouting. He let go of my cock after a few minutes. I actually got to breath right then. 

“Are you ready?” He whispered in my ear once he got up. He tugged at my dick as he awaited my answer. 

“Ngh.. Yes.” 

“Good. Even if you said no, I would start.” He smiled. He dropped his pants with ease. Then, he sat on my lap with his legs spread. It took him a few seconds to get on my member. I made a noise once I got inside of him. He rolled his hips around before starting to moving up and down. I had a bit of leeway in lower bonds so I done my best to pump into him. I started with small thrusts to get us started but those small thrusts went away as quick as the wind at the top of Mount Everest. 

“Mph... Yes...” I groaned. He was moaning a bit as well. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a big dick? Or is it that I’m so tight, mon ami?” He asked while continuing to ride. He could barely form sentences but he tried and perfected it anyway. 

“Well, Solly says stuff like that.” I didn’t like thinking of Soldier especially when I was to busy with Spy. I used to be so in love with helmeted man but, ever since one fateful day, I loved Spy. Every night me and Soldier would do it (I used to get so much pleasure from it) but that day made me a different man. I could remember every detail of the special day. 

I was fighting, naturally. I had sentries guarding me and the intel. It was obvious we were going to win. Then, out of nowhere, a Spy comes up behind me. Rather then stabbing my back, he dropped his knife. That signaled to me that he was behind me. I nearly turned around and socked him in the jaw but before I could he grabbed my hips. His head moved to the side of my head. His lips touched my ear. But then Soldier shot him. 

“Try to take care of yourself better, Engie!” He rocket-jumped away, although he accidentally hits his head on the ceiling. That was what triggered me to like Spy, cause he liked me back. 

I shook my head to get out of my head and thoughts. I realize what’s happening now; Spy continues to bounce, he’ was making out with me (but stopped once I shook my head), all this as I continued to thrust. His lips meet mine once again for a more intense kiss. Our tongues constantly hit each other’s. It was a little game played inside our mouths. 

We pulled away with a string of saliva connecting our tongues which were just hanging out of our mouths. I pumped in as hard I could. A few more of these thrusts and we came. I tilted my head back cried out in pleasure as I had my sweet release. He buried his head in my shoulder while catching his breath. 

“I never felt that good when I was with Sol.” 

“Don’t talk about him. Did you forget? You’re mine now. I took you, not Soldier.” He grinned while looking back into my eyes. He got ready to laugh but then 

I woke up. I guess it was all in my head. I actually thought we were doing it but, it was just a dream. Like most dreams, I woke up with cum on my sheets. “Ugh, I gotta clean it up now... I can’t believe I actually thought Spy was doing it with me.” I try to get up but then realize an arm was on me. 

“SPY WAS DOING WHAT?!”


	24. Be a Girl | My babies are in love!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Halloween, and Spy got some new costumes

It starts out third person then goes to Scout’s POV

It was Halloween. The men were about to get in costumes until Spy told Soldier the news. Scout was called over and told to give out the bags to each of the classes. He was told not to look through them by Spy, so he decided against his usual ways of peaking through the bags. He wasn’t given a bag that said ‘Scout’ so he was elated. 

“Yeah, no Scout bag! Spy must’ve been nice enough to not give me a costume! Mummy costume here I come!” But then again, Spy wasn’t nice. Now that Scout pondered about it more, he realized something more terrifying then Merasmus’ challenge- Scout probably got the worst one. He was scared of what he gotten, but nonetheless, he done his job. He started with Pyro, since it was the first bag. 

Pyro’s room was magical like Pyrovision but in the middle of the room stood Pyro in the Alice in Pyroland costume. “Hmph! Mmph gmph ompt!” Pyro shouted. I was startled and dropped his bag before running to Engineer’s Engie Cave. 

“Oh, Scout. You probably shouldn’t have come here at this time...” I immediately noticed why. In front of me stood an Engineer in nothing but wrench boxers. I felt my cheeks warm up as he turned around. His blue eyes looked around the room, avoiding eye contact at all times. “So, what did ya need?” 

“Oh, um, yeah... Spy gave me this bag. I’m pretty sure there’s a stupid costume in there, but he’s really intent on you wearing it.” I try my best to not look down at him but it’s kinda hard not to when it’s practically hanging out. 

“What’s the worst that’s gonna happen? I have to wear a fairy costume?” He laughed. “And thanks, Scout. Hope your bag is better than mine.” I walk up to the door and close it behind me. The next bag says ‘Medic’. I ran down to his lab which wasn’t to far away from the Engie Cave. I could hear moans from the door. 

In fear of what could be behind the door, I opened it with ease. I nearly screamed when seeing Medic sitting on an examination table as he jerked off(?). What?! His pants were at his ankles and he was moaning like a pornstar. He looked over at me then stood up. Luckily the examination table covered most of his dick. 

“Ah! Herr Scout! What do you need?” He asked, perfectly ok with his ppap hanging out. 

“Well, uh, Spy wanted me to give this to ya.” 

“May I see?” He nearly stepped out from behind the table but I stopped him immediately. “Oh, right.” He laughed. 

“I’ll just leave it here.” I set the bag down and left quickly before he walked closer to the bag. I shut the door, actually, I slammed it. I rushed to Demoman’s room since his bag was last. I hoped for the best as I thought to myself. 

_I really don’t want to see another dick today..._

I opened the door, already tired of whatever shit was about to pop off. In the scrumpy spilled room, Demoman laid on the bed. He was drunk, like usual. I dropped the bag onto the floor and hoped he would notice it and wake up. 

Once I shut the door, I rushed to my room hoping for no costume on my bed. I ran like it was nothing, noticing Spy holding one more bag. I didn’t look at the name but I assumed it was mine because it started with a ‘J’. I opened my door slowly, hoping for a cliffhanger. 

WILL SCOUT FIND A COSTUME OR WILL HE DIE? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF... T.F.2! 

Actually, no. 

I looked on my bed to see a dress that had a big bow on it and was made of red, silky fabric. It had thick straps and a long skirt. The bow was blue in comparison to the deep scarlet. There was a big blue bow above the dress. I groaned hoping Spy wouldn’t force me to wear it, but something told me he would. 

I slipped out of my clothes and put on the dress. The dress was easy to get in but I realized that it had a zipper. I heard someone zip it up so I turned around to see Spy. He had a mixture of a sweet smile and a devilish grin. 

“You look better than I thought.” I blushed and stuttered. “Now then, don’t forget about the bow.” I passed the bow over to him and stood with my back facing the bed. He clipped it into the little bit of hair that I had. He turned me around and smiled. 

“Yeah, I know I look ridiculous. No need to rub it in.” I looked away from his icy orbs which pierced into my soul. 

“Scout, you look great, mon chéri.” I had no idea what he said, but I figured it was a good thing. “Now, let’s show those girls that you are the best.” We stepped out of the room and gone to the infamous gym. A man with silky blonde hair and a suit greeted us before opening the door. Apparently his name was ‘Jack Daniels’. 

“Herr Scout! Over here!” Medic shouted. He was wearing a pink and white short dress that had hints of cyan. It looked like.a normal nurse dress but plus the colors. He had pink and cyan edged stockings and cyan and pink heels- even the nurse cap was pink and cyan! 

I walked over to Medic and Heavy (Who was standing right next to Medic). “Hey knuckle-heads! You guys look WAY better than me and mon amour over here.” I stare at Spy who was in a nicer suit then the one he wears on the battlefield. It had a rose and a velvety feel. I heard Sniper groan, making me turn around. I saw Sniper get dragged to the dance floor. 

“Sheila, you know I can’t dance...” he blushed. Pyro insisted on him dancing so they took the lead; they started shaking their hips, making the dress swoosh around. Sniper blushed harder as he watched the motion in his dark brown and red suit with hints of black and grey. 

He began to dance along with Pyro as the skirt of the dress swayed with the music. Pyro, as anyone may have guessed, was wearing a pink and white cat waitress uniform. They also had black flats, dark cat high socks, and clip on ears as well as clip on tail. The ears and tail were a pink and white gradient. Pyro, still, wore his gas mask but there were two slits for the ears. Although, under the bell choker, you could see white hair with streaks of pinks and purples. 

Tear in my Heart played over the intercom as Demoman stepped inside the gym with a dark red dress. It had a slit down the middle which exposed his clean shaven legs and scarlet pumps. He stepped inside with the so-called bouncer.  You know, the dude with the blonde, silky hair? Him. That’s the dude. 

“Eye have a boyfriend too, y’know...” he slurred when coming up next to me. “So you can take your Sneaky Spy right up your arse!” He laughed while telling his bf to dance with him- funny how his name was Jack Daniels. Spy grinned at me. 

“So do you wanna take this sneaky Spy up your-?” 

“Oh look, Soldier and Engineer!” I wave at them. Engineer pulls Soldier to us. Engineer wore a long sapphire dress as Soldier wore a tuxedo with ripped sleeves. “Yo, what you two up to?” 

“Well, me and my boy over here were about to dance; you wanna join?” Engineer asked. 

“Oh sure. Let’s show those dudes who’s boss.” (I’m da boss to da world). I took Spy’s hand and walked over to the dance floor. And then we all danced the night away. 

-end scene-


End file.
